SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Lionne posted 12/26/2013 23:38 PM

In laws. We have not made it a secret that my DS is waging a battle against alcoholism. He's working hard and maintaining his sobriety. To support him, we have an alcohol free home. No one in my family questions or challenges that.

My SAFWH has one local family member. We don't see them often. I invite them, they usually don't show up to birthdays, etc., I never know if they are coming or not, I no longer care. Last year, BIL came to SAFWH's birthday with a six pack. I explained the issue to him. At that time, he may not have understood the situation. That was in March of 2012. That doesn't excuse the gift he left under our tree, dropping it off on Christmas Eve.

A boxed collection of wine... Is he that insensitive, has he completely forgotten the issue, or does he just not give a damn? This is from a guy who grew up in a house where alcoholism was AT LEAST a possibility in one parent....

I'm pissed.

risingfromashes posted 12/27/2013 07:30 AM

Just an absolute idiot. Nothing more to say about this behavior. If he forgot, doesn't care, or is trying to push buttons...still just an idiot.

solus sto posted 12/27/2013 07:52 AM

Very disrespectful, given your desire to maintain an alcohol-free home.

As the child and sister of alcoholics, though--remember alcohol is right outside the door.

Having it in the house does not make things more dangerous, really. Especially if you pitch it when the boor leaves.

I mean...of course. Have your house the way it makes you comfortable.

The one family member who achieved and maintained sobriety in my family, though, would be the first to say that it's no one's job but HIS to steer clear of alcohol. (This family member lived with our 2 floridly alcoholic parents--and maintained his sobriety nonetheless.)

Some say trying to control the environment is akin to enabling. Yes, it's positive behavior--but it's taking responsibility for someone else's sobriety. Only your son can manage his sobriety.

(Still, I am all for an alcohol free house and at any given time am quite likely to have one. Please don't interpret this as any more than another perspective. I support YOUR support of your son.)

Know that I am caffeine-free. This is why I am as clear as mud. My point is that there's not much point being upset with someone who really doesn't get it. And alcoholism is something most people just don't get. You'd THINK they would, given the prevalence. But even those who've lived with alcoholics usually have no clue how to appropriately confront it.

rachelc posted 12/27/2013 08:00 AM

I do not understand ppl like this. I wonder if they really looked at their motivation they would find out something about themsekves...
DD has been on a fitness kick. She figures she has about 75 lbs to lose and has already lost 20. I bought her yoga gear and another fitness session for Christmas. Her in laws and hubby got her candy and crap galore, and they know about her journey. Why?
Hubby also got me tons of candy. He knows my fitness us important to me. He told the kids, I hope jokingly, that he wants to fatten me up. It will be thrown or given away. Why do this?
I know this doesn't compare to alcoholism.
But, the more ppl know about themselves the less this type of crap happens.
I'm pissed for you too, OP

Lionne posted 12/27/2013 08:06 AM

Of course, SS. Having an alcohol free home isn't a forever thing, most likely. We do enjoy a glass of wine from time to time. This is more a statement of solidarity, a way to say, with actions, that we respect his efforts. He had 19 months of sobriety before he had a relapse and he had ample time and opportunity to buy anything he wanted.

We are just showing by example that alcohol isn't needed and that we care about him.

DixieD posted 12/27/2013 08:29 AM

scaredyKat, I think some people are just clueless especially if they themselves drink. It doesn't register for them.

My father has been an alcoholic as long as I can remember. My older siblings would buy him alcohol for Christmas presents every year because it was the easiest thing to get him. What a practical thoughtful gift.

I'm the only one in my family who doesn't drink. I started drinking when I was 11 y.o. By an early teen, I was drinking every day. After an incident I cut back a lot and then by my 20's I stopped.

My father has gone to AA for many years now, but he still doesn't appear to really understand his problem. Once he got labelled, the gifts of booze stopped coming. But my family still have big parties and get completely plastered in his presence. They wouldn't dream of recognizing their own problems with drinking or altering their behavior.

I agree you can't save an alcoholic by controlling their environment, but I think on the other end of the spectrum it's disrespectful to have parties where alcohol is the main course and drunkenness is the evenings entertainment.

I've learned to let it go. That's them. I can only control myself.

Good luck to your son for his continued sobriety.