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I Need To Vent

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MammaMia posted 12/27/2013 00:01 AM

I need to vent...sorry but this is the only place I can do this. I do not want to bother my friend all the time. After all she has her own problems with her H.

Because our sons were out of town for Xmas, we decided to celebrate New Year's when they will be back. So we decided to buy gifts after Xmas.

Today we went out shopping. All was calm until the third store. All of a sudden he got agitated.I kept quiet.... Then we went to the car and we decided to go to one more store tonight and venture out tomorrow all day. In the car we discussed where to eat and we settled we'd have dinner at a barbeque place. I had coupons for that specific place so why not???

He wanted me to cut up the coupons and I wanted to wait till we go to the barbecue place. A stupid argument ensued; granted, it was not the coupons, it was whatever got him started. I really do not know what it was. Something happened that triggered him? Who knows...

Anyway: we got into another argument on the way to the barbeque because I thought we were going to the store and he thought we were going to eat first then to the store. It did not make any sense for us to drive past the store, to go 1 mile down to eat so we can go back the way we came from to go shopping. Totally insane. Well, we did argue over who is not communicating well, about this and that, but no mention of any EA or anything having to do with that.

When we came home we were still angry but we did not argue any more. He went to bed and I am posting here while baking cookies.
Honestly I do not know if I will go shopping with him tomorrow. He can go buy whatever the hell he wants. Don't care. It would have been so much better if I had gone shopping by myself.

Many a time I find myself having more fun without him than with him and it is frightening but true.
Thanks for listening.

[This message edited by MammaMia at 12:07 AM, December 27th (Friday)]

PinkJeepLady posted 12/27/2013 00:15 AM

I hear you 100%, is it just another part of the crazy train we are on? I don't know but I can relate to arguments about silly, minor things.
Do you think something earlier bothered your H and instead of addressing it, he let the coupon/dinner thing bother him? I see my WH have triggers that remind him of the devastation he caused. But, I see him not connect the dots to what is going on. I have to bring it up, which bothers him too. I have to point out that he seems to be mad at himself and he can't take that out on me. He usually then sees it. I don't know if that is what you are experiencing, but I was wondering if it was something like that?
I also find "cookie therapy" so helpful! Good for you! Did you get to eat dinner? I hope it went ok if you did, please take care.

TheAgonyOfIt posted 12/27/2013 00:25 AM

If you are having more fun without him than with him, not just with shopping but in general, my very, very hard won advice is to ....

...listen to that. Pay attention. Explore it.

I looked at your profile but although I've seen you before I don't know that much of your story. If you are in IC, this would Definitely Definitely be something i would address in a big way.

That's important information.

Ignore it at your peril!

That's my 2 cents from someone who ignored that same feeling and lived to regret it in so many ways.

Then again, maybe you guys just can't shop together! :)

MammaMia posted 12/27/2013 00:34 AM

Thanks for the responses.
PinkJeepLady: Lol...we did eat dinner but we hardly exchanged a word.
What do you mean by "cookie therapy?" not familiar with that term.

I do need to get him to connect the dots when it comes to his behavior but I am tired of talking about the EA. If I am tired of talking about it, no doubt he is tired of hearing about it. Truly I am tired of talking about it.

The agonyofit:

Right on when you say I need to explore his behavior. I need to be calm to do so right now is not the time. But it does need to be explored.

[This message edited by MammaMia at 12:34 AM, December 27th (Friday)]

million tears posted 12/27/2013 12:33 PM

I would have asked him what was up when he got agitated in the store. I think it's best to address things right away. That can avoid arguments in the future. If he doesn't like to communicate his feelings I don't know what you should do. It's so hard when even little things trigger thoughts of the A. It's like our world revolves around it.

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