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Newest Member: Sarah5479 (61853)

User Topic: Why am I finding Christmas so hard?
♀ 40386
Member # 40386
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is supposed to be a happy time. Spent with family & loved ones. I had a lovely lunch with my family including mum, step dad, sister, brother, niece, nephew & WH. Everyone was in good spirits. But I felt like there was this black cloud looming over me. I felt a desire to get away, be alone. So strange. My WH has been doing everything right so it's not his doing. It's within me.

Will I ever feel truly happy again? Christmas is time for happiness & all I wanted was to be sitting on a beach alone. Surrounded by all that family happiness made me feel uncomfortable & overwhelmed. So sad. Last year we had a false-R Christmas - I think that's why I'm struggling?! I thought we had a nice Christmas but it was all a lie!!! He was already in his 2nd A & I had no idea. Took me 6mths to find that out. Not really feeling like doing that ever again. There is no way of knowing if it will happen again - last yr I certainly didn't realise it. Then bang!!
Has anyone else struggled with Christmas?

Me BW - 42
Him WH - 43
Together 14yrs married 6.

OW#1 Dday1 9/11 DDay2 11/12 Dday3 12/11
OW#2 Dday1 06/13 (praying for no more)
Sept 2015: Started divorce proceedings. He hasn't changed.
Dec 2015 confirmed OW#3 - well, she can have him.

Posts: 26 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Australia
♀ 40547
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I really struggled! It is the first C to know all the TT and somehow is just hard. Like you WS is doing all very, very right but I feel different and is different! I know it will all be okay in the end..l.we love each other and really want to "death do us part" and well, he made mistakes..big ones, but what can we do now but make up, recover, move on...what is done is done and can't change that...that is frustrating...

It really seems that TIME is all that will help at this point...he is doing all the right things...I am trying to let go...what else can we do?

But yes, C is a bit of an event and that is a reminder of what ONCE was but is no longer...past Christmas he had with (hers) and that is sad to think of that...

Yes, it is chest and gut feels just awful...will be glad for the holiday to be over this year.

Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 341 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 29912
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard because we all 'see' happiness and joy around us. The commercials scream happiness and buy, buy, buy.... but for a lot of us it's a facade.... the holidays are really hard on many... especially the first ones after a betrayal.

I still struggle at 4 years with Christmas... major triggers to get through.... and now until the next horrible holiday of Valentine's Day will be rough... I had found out what he was doing in Dec. and he continued until I couldn't take it anymore in Feb. That's when his denial was soooo obvious and the shit hit the fan. Since then those two holidays have been especially hard. I mostly try to just ignore they exist but it's soo hard with all the crappy commercials and fake happiness everyone is having.

Since all this has happened to me I find I am a more emotional person.... when something is happening to others I care about or even watching the tv or a movie I feel a punch in the gut sometimes and thrown for a serious loop and need to reset my bearings. I don't think this is uncommon. What you will realize is that the time period to heal is different for all of us and that some of us have been hurt more than once... I think that makes it harder to recover from.

Just keep muddling through like the rest of us.... it's all you can do for now.

Posts: 1308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Topic Posts: 3

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