Itsaclimb rocks!!!
When my brain, my logic, is screaming at me not to trust him. So very hard to do."
What I struggle with is the discrepency between the loads of a BS post-A vs. the load of the WS at the time they choose adultery.
In our case, like many, my wife choose adultery with hardly any "logic screaming" involved (things in our M were not all healthy, but no smoking gun like adultery was present)....she carelessly followed her apathetic feelings away from our M and into adultery.
There were no strong evidence to do this, no external motivators...it was, as we all know, something within her that made adultery a choice and a temptation that she did not resist. There was no huge emotional push. Her motivation to choose adultery came from within her...and from what I can tell, she had very little struggle with her choice to commit adultery.
In other words....some fWS, like my wife, caved so quickly, under a seemingly painfully light "marital load" to breaking our vows compared to the load a BS is under to avoid doing the same thing post-A.
I get why R is called a "present from the BS to the fWS"...I just wrestle with the facts of the situation (like most of us do). A BS is called to be vulnerable to a KNOWN threat that is a fWS. A fWS is called to be vulnerable to an as-of-yet non-threat.
And, yet, some fWS are so slow to be vulnerable to their BS.
I also get that FOO programing is in-play...but, damn, how much more "safe" can a BS make a fWS feel than the fact that we choose to love them in spite of the fact they fucked another person, damaged our family, their actions costing us $$$ and aging all involved tremendously?
I think this is what is referred to as a BS has limited time in which they can remain in R with a resistent fWS. Some fWS get this and grab the opportunity with both hands (greatest chance for healthy R)....others grab it with one (moderate chance for healthy R)....still others never reach for it (healthy R never stood a chance).
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:50 AM, December 27th (Friday)]