SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

SusanR posted 12/27/2013 06:04 AM

I am picking up my granddaughter from my WH after I get off work tonight and he asked if I would be willing to go somewhere to eat dinner, just the three of us. I said ok but I am feeling a little weird about it.

I want to get along and behave as normally as possible for my granddaughter's sake but I also don't want to give him the wrong idea.

I did tell him once that maybe we could "date" at some time but I am not up for that now. I will need to make it clear to him that this is a family outing, not a date.

I hate that I have been tied in a knot ever since he asked me to go to dinner. I wish he would leave me alone!

Amazonia posted 12/27/2013 06:07 AM

behave as normally as possible

Well, honey, this ain't normal for divorcing couples, and it's not doing your granddaughter any favors to think it is.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:01 AM, December 27th (Friday)]

solus sto posted 12/27/2013 07:08 AM

I want to get along and behave as normally as possible

"Family dinners" are for families. Divorce changes family configurations.

Your granddaughter can have dinner with you. She can have dinner with her grandfather.

But your family configuration has changed.

(And besides, taking a granddaughter on a date as a buffer is....not good. Kids are very vulnerable to the tensions between adults. He may be pretending this is something to do "for the kids"--or grandkids. I'd maintain it is something harmful done TO the kids. Don't do it. If you want to "date," do just that. Leave others out of it until you know where it's headed, for sure.)

PurpleRose posted 12/27/2013 09:58 AM

Why did you agree to do something that clearly makes you upset?

7yrsflushed posted 12/27/2013 10:30 AM

I agree with the others. Call him back and cancel. He is using your grandaughter to try to hoover you back in, get ego kibbles for himself, or to talk to you about something because he knows you won't blow up at him with your granddaughter there. Either way going will likely just hurt you and give your granddaughter the wrong idea/ false hope. I had a similar discussion with my STBXWW. She wanted us to go on trips with the kdis while we were doing in-house S. I told her trips are things families do. Because of STBXWW we are no longer a family and as such we won't be going anywhere together. She can take the kids on a trip and I will take them on a trip but there is no more "US".

sparkysable posted 12/27/2013 11:54 AM

I would NEVER.

LoveHerStill posted 12/27/2013 15:40 PM

Trust your gut. This has "Awkward" tatooed all over it with red flags around it.

Nature_Girl posted 12/27/2013 22:03 PM

I hope everything went well and that you're home. And that you didn't upchuck your dinner at the table due to nerves. LOL

BAB61 posted 12/27/2013 22:53 PM

Yes, very curious to how things went ...

Melody3 posted 12/28/2013 05:16 AM

There are no rules. Do what feels right to YOU. Not anyone else.