I'm going to try to condense this, but feel free to ask questions if I'm not being clear about something.
Before I married my WH (we're divorcing) I was engaged to another man. Over the years we'd email birthday or holiday greetings back and forth occasionally. When he got married I emailed him a congrats, etc.
This past spring he started texting me occasionally about how is work would take him near my house & how we should go out to lunch. I kept putting him off and our conversation died out. Then a few months ago he started up again. Once a week or so I'd get a "hey how are you doing" message.
Then he'd call occasionally.
This all went on during "working hours"
you see where this is going, right?
It got more frequent after I told him I was getting divorced. I told him that I felt he needed to know that I was no longer married because it changed the dynamic of the friendship. We were no longer 2 married friends. He said no big deal.
Around Thanksgiving he called and I missed it. When I went to call him back he was in the process of calling is wife. I said "go call her I'll talk to you later" and he said "no, I want to talk to you"
this bothered me and I later I started asking him in text if his wife knew about our friendship, he said yes. I called bullshit.
I invited him and his wife to come join my birthday celebration and he declined stating she was not comfortable being I was an ex. "but she's ok with all the texting and talking we do?"
He said she was but the conversations stopped thankfully. One message on my birthday, one on his and nothing else.
Yesterday I got a "hope your holidays were good" email.
I wrote back thanks and then because I had a buzz (it was 11pm, his email was from the morning *during working hours*) I text him "why are you emailing me instead of texting, I'm not mad at you"
yes, I was up to no good. If he thinks for half a minute that I will be a party to him contacting another woman against his wife's wishes, he's got another thing coming.
I got an email back this morning that yes, the wife was unhappy with the amount of texting and calls so he sent an email so it wouldn't upset her.
I ended the friendship right there. I told him that I had my own issues to deal with and had no time for whatever was causing him to continually contact me when his wife was not happy about it. I am no home wrecker.
He swears up and down that he's not doing anything wrong.
I'm considering messaging her to say that I felt the amount of time he and I spent talking or texting was wrong and that I was sorry if it caused her any stress. I also would say that I asked him several times if she knew about our friendship. I want her to know that I told him no more.
But should I? It's not really my business, I don't know the woman at all... but with all that I've been through with my own marriage, I wonder if it's clouding my judgement and that I should tell her so she does not get blindsided...
What do you think?