We've all wanted revenge at some point or another.
I'm curious - why her boss? Did she have sex at work or something? It seems a little odd.
Here is something you need to remember - if you tell her boss, if she is fired, if she ends up homeless and turning tricks to get by, you will still have been betrayed. Nothing is going to take your pain away. I'm not saying don't get revenge. Many here will, but I'm of the opinion that causing pain for AP does not take away my 'better person' status. I didn't sleep with a married man. I simply told people that she did.
Having said that, I did nothing except tell her OBS, and that is because I truly believe he deserved to know. Did I care that it would screw up her life? Nope, not one bit, but it wasn't for revenge.
Regarding protecting AP, your husband will feel guilt if you destroy her. You are doing so because of him, so yes, he will feel some responsibility. Also, he did exactly what she did - so why is she the only one to be destroyed?
You are angry. You are seething, and you want justice. I completely get that, trust me. I really do. I spent over a year daydreaming about sending her sexts to her daughter's FB friends the day before her daughter's graduation. I wanted payback, and humiliating her in the small town she lives in would be amazing. Yes, her daughter would be hurt, but I saw that as collateral damage. Too bad. Again - I did not do this. But I thought about it, a lot.
In the end, I had to accept that my real anger was with my H, and I was focusing it all on her because accepting that he did this was too much. I could work on R with him, and direct my rage at her. The problem with that is that the rage belonged with my H, and staying stuck on her kept me stuck because there was no relief.
There is no real justice in an affair. There is no good reason for them. There are no winners in the end, but the BS is the real loser. You are hurt, humiliated, confused, and worst of all, you still love your spouse, and that pisses you off.
If you are hurting yourself, you need to see an IC instead of spending 4 days a week in MC. Also, that seems so excessive. I'm amazed that an MC even had that kind of time. It almost seems that you're being taken advantage of by a not-so-busy MC. Maybe not, but it sure looks like that.
In the end, your H is never going to agree to you getting revenge. If that is what you are waiting for, you will stay angry. You can do it, and the odds are that he won't leave, but he won't agree, or help, so please stop letting that be your focus. You won't heal if you stay on that. Focus on real issues.
And yes, it's normal to become more of a mess before getting better. There is a shock in the beginning that keeps some of the pain at a distance. It's a self preservation tactic. Slowly the pain comes back in though, and you need to deal with it.
Are you in any kind of IC?