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Have your kids done this?

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FightingChance posted 12/27/2013 13:36 PM

Mods - Posting here because I think it's related to custody/divorce/separation issues but if it's wrong, then please feel free to move it.

My stepsons have become extremely clingy and demanding of hugs and kisses. They've always been very close to me because I am naturally affectionate. However, the past few weeks, my 11 & 13 yo stepsons have a habit of saying "I love you FC" and if I don't say it back immediately, they'll repeat it until I do. They have also begun to demand hugs and kisses (on the lips) - EVERY FIVE MINUTES. I mean, some days it seems like I can't move through the house without having to say "I love you too" or kiss and hug someone. If I refuse at that moment, they are heartbroken.

FWIW - my own bio 13yo won't kiss me anywhere near the lips - always on the cheek and I'm good with that. These two have always kissed on the lips - even their father. I never found that odd, but lately, I kiss my kids on the lips more than I kiss their father and it's creeping me out.

I feel like something is going on. I feel it deep down in my bones that something is going on at their mother's house and that's why they're being extra clingy. I just can't figure out what it is.

Anyone ever dealt with something like this? My WH agrees its odd, but until we get back to their therapist after the holidays, we have no idea what it is.

[This message edited by FightingChance at 1:40 PM, December 27th (Friday)]

BAB61 posted 12/27/2013 15:17 PM

I'm thinking you just need to sit them down and discuss this, they are 11 and 13 .. so they should be able to handle talking about it. Tell them you love them and are there for them, then gently mention that on the lips kissing is making you uncomfortable. Just let them know it's not something you grew up with and you're more comfortable with kisses on the cheek. You need to be honest with them.

PurpleRose posted 12/27/2013 18:22 PM

No offense, but the thought of kissing 11 and 13 year old boys who are not "my children" on the lips really freaks me out.

Especially if it's as often as you claim.

I might maybe be able to see it happening when they are leaving my house to go back home or something. But every 5 minutes??? And why are they wanting this to happen???

Ehh... No. Yikes. Something is definitely not right there.

Mousse242 posted 12/27/2013 18:27 PM

Their worlds are being torn apart again. I don't see the kissing as weird, I see it as a possible comping mechanism on their ends.

You need to talk to them. You need them to understand that no matter what happens between their father an you, you will always be there for them in whatever capacity you can be. If need be, family counseling just to figure out next steps.

FightingChance posted 12/27/2013 19:01 PM

Dad and I are fine. Much better at this point than we ever were. Their Mom is really letting lose these days. She parties a lot and they spend more time with us than with her. I think that is really the problem, their Mom has a new boyfriend and has been taking them around his family.

FightingChance posted 12/27/2013 19:03 PM

I told them both tonight no more kissing in the lips. They took it well. Still need to talk to their therapist though.

sinsof thefather posted 12/28/2013 03:15 AM

I think you're right about where their worries are coming from - uncertainty of their place in their mum's life now that she has a new boyfriend, and can I just say how much it warms my heart to see how much you care about these two little boys.

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