LosferWords, thanks for the note. It's amazing how helpful it is to know I'm not alone in this.
Your questions are the key ones and I am tackling this two ways, first I've set up a schedule of weekly counseling sessions to both get me through these early days AND dig DEEP into the underlying issues. That is a combination of weekly visits with my Priest (I never would have thought that was useful but it helps a ton), the couples counselor I see with my BS and most importantly, my IC sessions.
IC is twice a week with lots of homework and frankly, the sessions are making me come apart at the seams. Before my A exploded my family I was a pretty emotion-less guy. Now...NOW...I am crying at the drop of a hat. A song, a question from the kids, a memory, you get the idea. I have no idea if tears mean progress but something is going on with me through this process.
That's the fight to find me, and the other fight is for my wife, for my family. I'm still dealing with the fact that the conclusion of the second fight it out of my control, but I am giving it my all.
I have a contract with my wife during the separation that lays out my commitments to her during this process: No drinking, no relationships, no private emails, GPS tracker on me at all times, no access to finances, new phone number, no holiday parties, no after work get-togethers, no contact with enabling friends, no access to house without permission, etc.
After reading a lot about these types of contracts, I am hoping we are laying some sort of new foundation between the two of us. Time will tell on that, but I am following to the letter of the law and doing everything above and beyond I can imagine to further help her and the kids.
That being said, I am ALWAYS looking for more ways to take care of myself or my family during my away time. At the advice of my IC, I am reading a revealing book called "I don't want to talk about it", which also helps.
Thanks for listening...