One year ago today is when all my lies caught up with me....when my poor BH discovered my A.
He didn't find tons of emails or phone records...that all came later. My A was discovered when my BH witnessed a FB chat bw myself and my AP..My husband actually saw a whole conversation bw as we were having it. I can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt for him.
My AP denied it to my BH then and told him we were joking and he wasn't the type of man to destroy a M. He then told me to "take care of it" and "make it go away". He encouraged me to tell my BH it was a joke and meant nothing.
I didn't do that. I was at least smart enough then to know lying would get me nowhere, that I was caught and had to face it....that being said, I WASN'T smart enough then to really end it....that came many months later.
I wasn't going to post about this today but I need to. I have had a weight on my chest all day and can't stop thinking of that day and the days that followed....looking back I can't believe how stupid I was....both during the A and after Dday, how selfish and fucked up my actions were.
I haven't seen my BH yet today. I can't wait to see him but am also afraid to cuz no matter how hard this day is for me I know it's much,much harder for him.
I wish I could just go into my bed now and hide for the rest of the day.
