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Melian40 posted 12/27/2013 17:21 PM

The long story is in my profile, the short is here:

H is in a 3 people traditional music band. Two men and one 33 year old woman (the singer). I 've met the singer a couple of times, nothing suspicious. They used to talk bussiness on the phone and fb in front of me. in August 2013 the previous guitar player (they had kicked him out) told me that this April he saw H and his COW in a tavern where traditional music was played. They were just sitting, nothing suspicious. I already had known about that tavern. H told me they went for proffessional reasons. They had recorded the tavern program for proffesional reasons and he handed me the recording. It was too noisy in there, but I managed to clear the rec and hear their conversation. It was normal except one phrase H said: "We are together 1.5 year and I look at you in this way? Why?" They were together in the band for 1.5 year but what was the second part of the phrase???
H confessed that he tried to hit on her but she refused. That was it. Period. Nothing more. Misunderstanding over. They were strictly proffesional. I kicked him out assuming he had a 1.5 year affair with her.
He came back in an hour sobbing and begging. There was NOTHING going on with her. We shouldn't end our marriage over nothing. He said he could bring her in front of me and talk. I refused. He asked me if I wanted him to leave the band. The band brings some income which we need. I said not for now , but keep it strictly bussiness with her.
I implanted voice rec everywhere, spy in pc. nothing suspicious. One day I heard a conversation between them. H asked to leave the band cause I didn't feel OK with it. She said "why? you didn't do anything"!

What do you make out of it?

cl131716 posted 12/27/2013 17:38 PM

I would say maybe nothing because it sounds like he was telling her he had a crush on her and asking her why? I don't know. I'd still be concerned with the fact he was hitting on her, however.

Melian40 posted 12/27/2013 17:43 PM

I left the fact that he was hitting on her to deal a little bit later. First, I needed to make sure if it was EA or PA. Not that it makes any difference in the BETRAYAL part, but at least we all deserve to know the truth, whatever it is.

NeverAgain2013 posted 12/28/2013 05:19 AM

It sounds as though he was hitting on her but she wanted nothing to do with him - and that's why nothing happened. Had she taken his cheesy bait, it might be a different story.

Sorry you find yourself here, Melian40.

solus sto posted 12/28/2013 07:07 AM

It could be that he hit on her but "nothing happened" (though "hitting on" a woman while married shows serious boundary issues, and I would want to DEEPLY explore the extent of any similar fishing expeditions), or it could be that the two of them, now that they're aware you're on to them, are working on gaslighting you---making you doubt YOUR judgment.

I'd sit back and watch what happens. A husband who's been hitting on other woman and is remorseful for this---a man who wants his marriage---will recognize his betrayal for what it is, and work hard to remain in his marriage, making himself the best partner he can be.

Has he made any indication he plans to leave this band? Or that the singer will be leaving? He really shouldn't be hanging around with women he wants to date when he's married. (And I probably am in the minority, but seriously doubt that was the extent of it.)

Melian40 posted 12/28/2013 14:01 PM

My gut agrees with you Solus Sto.
I have nothing solid in my hands yet, but he seemed very upset when I confronted him the first time.
I have that feeling that she adviced him what to tell me. For instance once he said: " Do you have any proof I did something with her? Nothing happened" I asked him to pass polygraph and he said "yes, I will do it."
I still don't trust him though, I keep digging.

Plus, the roller coaster between D and R is still going...