SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

My D-Day was two and a half years ago (the BS of my AP notified my husband). I was immediately remorseful, went into therapy, and worked on all of the personal issues (some stemming from childhood, and very difficult) that fueled my behaving in such a hurtful, disrespectful, and self-destructive manner. I'm eternally grateful that my husband has given me a second chance, and I'm doing anything and everything I can to help him heal, regain his trust and strengthen our marriage. This includes adhering to NC; I have not talked to the AP since D-Day (I was completely finished with the whole mess by then, anyway). He has tried to contact me, and I have ignored/blocked.

I spoke with his BS once (on D Day) and apologized and let her vent. She began harassing me almost immediately after D-Day, and it's still ongoing, even after all this time. She'll call my cell phone and hang up. She'll drive by my house. She sends texts from fake numbers. She stalks me on social media, impersonates me online and in emails, and posts about me in public forums. I have ignored her, blocked her, ignored and blocked her again. Months will pass with nothing, and then she'll reemerge. I don't know what is going on with their marriage (and frankly, I don't want to know) but I was hoping that, two and a half years later, she would be focusing on her own life. I am at the point where I am considering threatening legal action against her.

Any advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated, and thanks for listening.

[This message edited by AchillesHealed at 1:28 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]

If I were you, I would get legal action in on this. Two years down the line and she's still harassing you? What you did was horrible, yes, but I don't think it warrants this behavior. For the most part, just getting a legal letter telling them to stop or face legal action would be enough to make most go away.

What does your husband think about it?

My first thought is, don't make it so easy for her to harass you. Lock down and/or delete your social media stuff. Change your phone numbers and email address. Inconvenient? Maybe. But you did inject yourself in her marriage and made her life an inconvenience.

If your husband agrees, have an attorney draft and deliver a cease and desist.

Thanks so much for your reply. It was horrible, I fully admit, and I will never do it again. I don't believe in the "Once a cheater, always a cheater" adage. I've seen the damage I did to my husband, and there is no way I would ever put him through that again.

It's been just over a month since her last flare-up. A few friends have recommended holding off for now, and sending a letter if she so much as breathes in my direction again. I don't know whether that's the right approach, or if I should just go ahead and send a legal letter now...

Thanks, Aubrie. I can't really delete my social media stuff--I need it for my business, which adds another wrinkle to the legal issues. But I do have it relatively locked down.

My husband knows about her early flare-ups, but doesn't know it's still continuing. I feel like this is my mess, and I'm trying to protect him from it. We deal with the aftermath of the affair in plenty of other ways, and I'd like to deal with this particular issue on my own, if possible.

I do understand wanting to protect your husband. Really. But you cannot have secrets after Dday. Especially when the other BS is constantly contacting you and this could result in legal action. He should know.

It's not constant--as I said, months can go by and I'll think she's finished, and then she'll suddenly resume. But your point is well taken about keeping secrets. I just don't know whether to send a letter now, or to hope that she's finally finished, and only send if she starts up again. I suppose that's something to discuss with my husband!

[This message edited by AchillesHealed at 8:34 PM, December 27th (Friday)]

I suppose that's something to discuss with my husband!

I think that would probably be best.

btw, welcome to SI.

Thanks, Aubrie! I really appreciate your advice and the welcome.