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I Want to Drive the Karma Bus

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JellyGirl84 posted 12/27/2013 23:28 PM

I do not have the money to cover fees for a lawyer's retainer but I really want to have legal representation. The free consultation (and everyone else who thinks they know law) are telling me that since I don't have kids nor a mortgage with my WH, I could very easily just file on my own and do so under irreconcilable differences. Here's the thing, though: I want to drive the karma bus right over his face. I don't want it to be a "fair deal" as he so adamantly suggests. He has gotten very little immediate consequences after messing around with his Ho-worker. He still has his job, he's living back at home with his mommy, I graciously allowed him to come back into the house to grab all of his very expensive tools, and although he said he would pay half of our bills he has conveniently forgotten the gas bill due today (albeit a very small bill).

I think he is going to play the game of just "forgetting" to pay his half. Honestly, right now I would just love to be detached from him and one great way to do so is to pay these bills on my own to prove to myself I can do it....but damn it! He should be made to pay for SOMETHING! What has he actually suffered over since DDay. Not a damn thing.

Then, since I make more money than he does I have the fear that each day I wait to file because I can't afford it is another day I'm legally married to him and he can legally dip his hands in for HALF. I don't know what to do. I'm so frustrated.

He emailed me today to "inform" me that the cable bill will get paid in full by him (after I told him I knew from the company that it was only in his name and collections would only go after him) and he needed to come get the cable box to bring back to the service provider. I have managed to ignore this email. On top of everything, Friday he hands over the title to his shitty 13-year-old car that, for whatever reason, was in his mom's name during our marriage and friggin' Monday the transmission line breaks and I'm out $600 today. Shouldn't he pay half? Wtf?

I also want to call his company and tell the, how those two turds were screwing around on company time and company property for no other reason than to see if he'll get some consequences.

Ugh, I just need someone here to tell me what to do. Where do I go? Do I need to change my thinking? If you can find anything in that mess I just wrote on which you can comment, I'd appreciate it.

[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 11:32 PM, December 27th (Friday)]

newlysingle posted 12/27/2013 23:38 PM

I get that you're angry and you want karma, we all know how you feel. However, this is one time where you need to think with your business sense and not your angry/emotional side. It really might be worth you while to sit down with him and hash out a financial agreement. That's all you really need in your case and then you can file. Maybe even go to a mediator at a much lower cost than an attorney. Get what you need from him in writing so that you can enforce it through the courts.

As for karma, he will take care if that all by himself. Divorce his ass and move on. You don't have children with him, so you're not tied to his stupid ass. I'm stuck parenting with mine for another 17 years. Oh how I wish I could just cut all ties and move on.

Keep your head on straight right now and let your anger fuel your way through the divorce. You can do this!

BAB61 posted 12/27/2013 23:55 PM

WE all want to drive the karma bus ... however, here's the problem .. then karma would come back at us. no bueno!

I agree with newlysingle, think with your head .. and tell your heart to wait .. karma ALWAYS wins in the end.

Get your shit done, and get the fuck out. Never, and I mean NEVER look back. You have no reason to have contact with him after the D is final. Don't. Ever. Again.

JellyGirl84 posted 12/28/2013 00:14 AM

Ok peeps...I gotcha. Think with business brain......but there's still the problem of not having a dime to divorce WH with. What about that? Can I get him to pay for the lawyer somehow?

[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 12:15 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]

PurpleRose posted 12/28/2013 00:27 AM

Until you have some type of legal separation, you are still married and so legally bound to each other.

Do you have a credit card (joint) that you could use for a lawyer?

He would still be liable for half the bills and such also. You really do need to consult an attorney if only to get questions answered.

JellyGirl84 posted 12/28/2013 00:46 AM

I actually did have a free consult but I was either too numb or too stupid for anything to have sunk in. I only have one credit card, just in my name and the available balance doesn't cut it...

careerlady posted 12/28/2013 01:16 AM

Maybe try a paralegal service to help with the paperwork?

SBB posted 12/28/2013 01:47 AM

Trust me, Karma is sooooooo much sweeter when you have no hand in it.

Legal revenge is very very expensive and the only people who end up happy out of it are lawyers.

Get your revenge the good old fashioned and certain way - indifference and living well. Detachment takes time - NC is key here. With detachment comes healing and the glorious road to indifference.

By the time we reach complete indifference revenge won't matter so much.


Sad in AZ posted 12/28/2013 08:09 AM

Divorce is a business deal; if you let your emotions carry you away, you are going to regret it for years. I'm glad you are taking a step back, but really try to put this in perspective.

You make more than he does; if you cause him to lose his job, you could very well wind up paying him support if he decides to file for it.

Take the bit of advice you've been given; get out of the marriage, split everything evenly (even the bills) and move on. You will be happier and healthier this way. Use a mediator or paralegal if necessary, or just get the forms from the court and draw them up yourself.

tesla posted 12/28/2013 08:30 AM

I want to help you drive the karma bus! Sounds like a fun job

But as others have stated...divorce is a business. As a SAHM, I felt like I was getting screwed in the D...especially since he was the one that broke the marriage contract. Doing the D like a business deal was much better for my healing and he had no grounds to pick a fight with me and look for drama.

2 years out from D-day and 1 year post D, the karma bus has run him into the ground.
The best part? I didn't have to do a damn thing...he brought it all on himself.

The consequences of their actions may take awhile to become popcorn worthy...but the karma bus eventually does find them.

Repeat to yourself: the D is a business deal.

tryingagain74 posted 12/28/2013 08:38 AM

We all want this to one degree or another. But, I agree with the previous posters-- get out of there, enjoy your clean break, and start a new life for yourself. If that means you pay half and split things in half, so be it. You'd just waste that money fighting in court anyway. I am also tied to my XWH for the next 13 years because of kids, and I am envious of those of you who aren't!

I got screwed financially as well, but my freedom and the lack of courtroom drama and expense were worth it to me. Now, I have my own little house and a pretty happy life, and that's way better than revenge. Like the others said-- karma will find your WH; you won't have to do a thing to him. He'll do plenty to himself.

JellyGirl84 posted 12/28/2013 12:56 PM

Thank you all for being my strength in this difficult time. I am sending good vibrations out to all of you, wherever you are, who have children and must be tied to your scumbags until the kids are at least 18.

I already had some good news today: I finally got my internet/cable provider to understand that the outstanding balance to our account is under my WH's name only and it is HIS problem he chose premium channels without consulting me and therefore has a huge bill to pay. I finally had someone show me some damn mercy and start up my own account! Amen!

I am going to be 30 in January. Thirty, flirty and THRIVING like my WH's favorite movie mentions. I'm going out tonight to a friend's house for some drinks and food.

This was the last part of getting my ducks in a row (besides divorce) and it finally fell into place. You're all correct- no matter how I get the D, I need to get it done as clean as possible and remove him from my life like someone would remove a wart off their ass.

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