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Dieselpw posted 12/28/2013 06:27 AM

so had a good moment I think??? BS activated my old email account and then told me about it. I wasn't mad I actually felt some relief. one being that I don't have to worry about any of that anymore I don't have to run to my phone when I get a message I don't get that pit in my stomach when I hear it ring. two her checking it and me telling her that there is nothing there gave us a chance to show I was telling the truth. these moments are good cause I have a long road to rebuild trust and its little steps like that that will help.

authenticnow posted 12/28/2013 06:31 AM

Every time she gets validation of truth it's another stepping stone in trust.

Good for you, Diesel.

kmom2662 posted 12/28/2013 08:05 AM

I agree; it's been almost three months that I can leave my ipad out in a table and not worry about whether everything is cleared or hidden, that H can come to bed later than me and I don't have to panic that he is digging for things he can reconstruct. I know he worries that I will backslide, but I can't imagine wanting to go back to that existence of hiding and sneaking.

[This message edited by kmom2662 at 7:36 AM, December 29th (Sunday)]

EvolvingSoul posted 12/28/2013 13:54 PM

Yes it is paradoxically freeing. People still in hide mode throw up losing their freedom as an argument for not giving their BS full access to their communications when in reality it is the hiding that keeps them enslaved to particular behaviors (deleting, positioning, constant vigilance, etc.)

Along the same lines I found a lot of time and energy freed up too. A couple of months after d-day I started a container garden and for the first time in my life grew plants without quickly killing them. Some of them are still going!

Stay the course.

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