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Is my wife cheating...again?

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IThinkILoveMyWif posted 12/28/2013 12:41 PM

Okay, this will be a long story.

I stumbled upon this website in a desperate search for answers, so I figured I'd sign up and give it a go.

So back in 07 or 08 (I've tried so hard to put it behind me that I don't even remember what year it was), I discovered through a text message on her phone that my wife had been cheating on me and actually in love with my best friend. We eventually reconciled for (from my perspective) the sake of our two kids. We've been relatively happy ever since and I've done my best to put it behind me and move on. All of this is irrelevant and has nothing to do with what's happening now. I just wanted to point out that my wife has been unfaithful in the past.

Now this...

So we both work in the same building for a large company. On any given night, there are over 300 people working there. We work in different sections so although we drive in together and leave together, I barely see her at all throughout the course of the night. She has her friends and her group of co-workers and I have mine. I've been working there for a few years longer than she has and everyone there knows she's my wife.


She went to work Saturday night, a night that I'm off and her friends threw her a little birthday party. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it and I didn't this time either. Usually it's nothing but a cake and a few of her girlfriends give her cheap gifts. She's never come home with anything worth more than $25. All of this seemed to be the case this time around as well - nothing seemingly out of the ordinary. The next day she planted the seed for what would be a great lie that she nearly got away with.

So the next day, Sunday, she goes out of her way to mention that her father had sent our Christmas gifts up from Florida. She said that he told her ahead of time that she'd be getting the big gift. Basically that he spent a lot more on her than the rest of us (myself and our two kids). Now that she set all that up, Monday, her actual birthday comes.

I woke up Monday morning and it was just my son and I in the house. She went out with my daughter to do some shopping and run some errands. When they do arrive home, they're in and out with groceries and I'm not really paying attention to what's going on. It's just a regular day that they went out. Then when I'm in the bathroom, she brings in the "package that came in the mail." I never actually saw the alleged shipping box that it arrived in, but I wasn't looking for it either. My guard was down and I wasn't expecting anything unexpected. The gift is an Amazon Kindle Fire HDX. It comes with the works all the accessories, two different cases, etc. We're all excited about it. I even joked that now my iPad was all mine now. Then she powers the thing on...


I'm the tech savvy one of the family. Everyone comes to me with their gadgets. It's a known thing. Anyway, I'm as excited as she is about this new kindle, so I say, "Give it to me, I'll set it up for you." I put the Wi-Fi password in, I'm going through the motions to set it up, then I see it. One of the cool things about these kindles that a lot of people don't know is that Amazon programs them to already be linked to the account from which they were purchased. It turns out this wasn't purchased from her father's account. As a matter of fact, it wasn't from her father at all. He didn't even know about it. It's from a guy at work. A guy that she works with that I didn't even think was a great friend of hers. I knew they were friendLY. I just didn't know they were that friendly.

I'm confused at first. I'm thinking, "wait, how did this guy's name get on here? That's weird." I asked her about it and her quick response was that she put her dad on the phone with this guy and he told him what to get her.
Then it hit me. This guy bought my wife a $300 item for her birthday. A random co-worker. Why would he do that? I looked at her and asked her, "Who bought this for you?" Then she immediately copped to it. I got up and motioned toward the bedroom and said, "Come on let's go." I didn't want to talk about it in front of the kids. I brought her in the bedroom and told her she had one chance to tell me everything. At this point I'm in such a state of shock that I can't breathe, let alone talk or even think for that matter. She tells me the guy gave it to her, she told him it was too much and that she didn't want him to get the wrong idea (about what their relationship is). Then I guess she asked him what to say to me, at which point he tells her to tell me her father got it for her.
This is all based on what she told me. I don't know what the truth is. What I do know is that a man doesn't buy an expensive give like that for a platonic friend. Now I want to get a hold of this guy. I take her phone, I'm going to text one of her other work friends to get his number, she takes the phone away and silences that. Then I'm texting people I know to try to get his number, no one has it. I'm looking for him and his wife on Facebook -apparently, this guy doesn't actually exist. I can't find him anywhere in the internet. Then I remembered I could get his email address off of the kindle. I did that and sent him an email. I simply wrote, "Hey, my wife's father bought her a new kindle. That was nice of him right?" He didn't write back. A couple of hours go by, I send him another one. I wrote, "Seriously, I can't wait to tell you about all of its cool features. Text or call me as soon as you can." And I left my number. Nothing.

I cancelled her whole birthday. Her and I and the kids were supposed to go to the movies and out to eat. We stayed in the house and I stayed in my room. She ordered pizza.

The next day I wake up and he wrote back. I'll paste it here.

"Hey mike, just got the email you sent me yesturday. Listen I gave Jamie the kindle cause I got two of them one from my wife and one from my mom. I thought if would be a nice thing to give Jamie the extra one. You could ask anybody I always do things like that for people. If you don't believe me I would show you the second kindle. Me and Jamie are just friends that's all. I apologize if you took it the wrong way. If you want I take the kindle back. I don't want to have any problems with you guys. Just email me for anything else."

I wrote back:

That is an interesting story that I might've believed, had it been told to me in the first place. A few things about it don't add up though. First of all, why would your wife and your mom both give you your gift before Christmas? Why would you just re-gift a $300 item to a random co-worker? You could've returned it very easily or even sold it.

There are a few people at work that I consider to be good friends - none of which would I ever give a $300 present.

Why the whole elaborate lie about her father giving it to her? If your story is true, why wouldn't she just tell me that in the first place? It would've raised less suspicion than the line of bullshit that I did get about her father giving it to her.

One more thing, these Kindles, I've ordered them before. They come already programmed to the account they were ordered from. This particular one was ordered from your account. Not your wife's, not your mother's. That's how I saw your name and where got this email address from. So what's really going on?

He wrote:

Listen mike nothing is going on. Me and my wife use the same Amazon account ok. That's how I know she got it for me. Plus my brother told me about my mom getting me one that all. I told Jamie to say her dad gave it to her cause I didn't want you to think wrong idea that's all. Listen I was trying to do a nice thing that's all. I didn't want to start any trouble. Like I said before I apologized for any trouble of cause, it was just a innocent thing that I thought it was ok. Nothing is going on with me and Jamie. We are both married people. I'm not like that. I know Jamie is not like that either. If you want tell her to give the kindle back that's all. Sorry again for these issues.

That was the end of it.

Christmas eve and Christmas day, I made nice with the wife because I didn't want to ruin the holidays for the kids. They next day, I was due back at work. I planned on giving this kindle back to him and confronting him in person. He didn't show up. Now I'm off until Sunday. My wife will be working Friday and Saturday though. With him. Now they can get their stories straight for two days before I even get the chance to look this guy in the eye.

So that's it. I don't know how I'm going to handle this current situation, our what we're going to do with our marriage going forward.

What does everyone think? Is my wife cheating again? Can I believe anything either of them are saying? What do I do?

RealityStinks posted 12/28/2013 13:15 PM

I'd be willing to bet there's something up. IF it was innocent, then your wife should have come home with the Kindle, told you who it came from, and told you that he got two of them, etc.

If there's nothing to hide, there is no reason for stories. That's alot of trouble for nothing, don't you think.

I noticed the "just friend" in his email. The only reason for the "just" is to "justify" their "friendship".

If I were you, I'd find out how to contact his wife. I'd call her and ask. If she confirms all this, then I'd begin to believe it. But, I'd keep my eyes open. I'd keep the Kindle or give it to someone else. I wouldn't give it back to him (maybe his wife).

Merlin posted 12/28/2013 13:16 PM

Something is going on, that is sure.

Your wife set up an elaborate lie to cover the expected delivery. And she did so far in advance. Something about that stinks.

Focus on what you know for sure. And you surely know she was trying to pull a fast one.

toomanyregrets posted 12/28/2013 13:28 PM

Trust your gut.
You've been down this road before.
Of course there's more.
If it was all just a platonic friendship, why all the lies and deception.

You need to contact the OM's wife and let her know what happening to her marriage. I'd bet she has no idea.

What would happen if your employer found out about their "friendship"?

[This message edited by toomanyregrets at 1:30 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]

PhantomLimb posted 12/28/2013 13:30 PM

I second contacting his wife somehow and letting her know about this. Put it all out on the table and the truth will emerge quick enough.

I like how he tells *you* that *your* wife isn't like that. I wonder how he'd react to finding out she's done this before.

You've got them dead to rights. Stick to your guns.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this again. It must hurt like hell.

confused615 posted 12/28/2013 13:44 PM

You know he is full of shit.

But to get proof,call his wife. Don't tell your WW you are going to contact his wife, just call his wife. Don't facebook her or leave a message..he knows you know, so he will be watching for you to attempt contact so he can intercept it.

Call her. Tell her what he said. Offer to forward the emails he sent to you as proof that her husband is cheating on her.

I just bought two Kindle Fire HDX's for my kids. There are tons of ways they can message each other..and that is why he got it for her.

She is cheating. 180 her ass. Contact his wife. Then tell your wife you know the truth.

Welcome to SI. You will get tons of great advice and support here. Im so sorry she is doing this to you..again. And,honestly, the fact that she has cheated before plays a huge part in all of this. It shows a pattern..a willingness to betray you. It sounds like her last affair was swept under the rug. They usually cheat again when you rugsweep, because they had very little consequences. If you decide to R with her, you need to have firm boundaries and expectations.

Melian40 posted 12/28/2013 14:19 PM

Something is going on.
Make your wife feel as much confortable as possible if you want a confession.
Put spyware and voice recorders and dig as much as you can.
Be prepared.

Stretcher2 posted 12/28/2013 14:21 PM

While they are working Friday and Saturday making their plans together I would be contacting OM wife and raising a little stink about what he is doing and letting her know what he said also. Show her the messages he sent you!! Your wife is leading you on and if they haven't been together they will be if you don't do something now.

Crushed1 posted 12/28/2013 14:41 PM

Yeah, something is definitely going on. Maybe it's just beginning, maybe it's been going on for a while. "Those with nothing to hide hide nothing". Start digging and definitely contact his wife. He's, of course, preparing his lie to tell his wife since he knows you're onto them. Good luck.

jb3199 posted 12/28/2013 14:43 PM

Sorry that you are here friend. But you did find a great place for support and advice.

Welcome to SI. You will get tons of great advice and support here. Im so sorry she is doing this to you..again. And,honestly, the fact that she has cheated before plays a huge part in all of this. It shows a pattern..a willingness to betray you. It sounds like her last affair was swept under the rug. They usually cheat again when you rugsweep, because they had very little consequences. If you decide to R with her, you need to have firm boundaries and expectations.

Yes, her prior behaviors play a strong role in this situation. Even if she is not cheating(although there are strong indicators), she has tried to deceive you. How can that be healthy behavior in your marriage?

Answer: it isn't healthy.

And it needs to be addressed.

Keep reading here. Keep posting here. Knowledge is power, and you are going to need it to navigate through this mess. You have just scratched the surface.

Good luck.

bobf posted 12/28/2013 15:02 PM

I take her phone, I'm going to text one of her other work friends to get his number, she takes the phone away and silences that.

She took her phone back because there was something on it she didn't want you to see, i.e. the texts she was sharing with her co-worker.

Look at your phone bill and see how many texts are being generated on her number. Are there tons?

If it is an iPhone and he uses an iPhone there might not be very many text messages showing up as they are using iMessage. I will PM you for ideas of how to obtain these messages.

craig2001 posted 12/28/2013 18:12 PM

It is time to start playing detective again without jumping to conclusions. Now that she knows you are suspicious, she will be extra careful.

The odd parts are, why did this guy tell your wife in the first place to make up the story about her father giving her the kindle. If he didnt have a guilty conscience, he would not have needed to make up anything.

Remember, a kindle doesnt make an affair. It is now time for you to start putting 2 and 2 together. Check the texts, phone msgs and emails.

Pay special attention when your wife goes out for any reason.

Take notes and dont tell or ask her anything until you get some more proof.

lqqk4answ posted 12/28/2013 21:03 PM

first I'm in the exact same both with all being coworkers ... it is the worst possible situation. The lie is a big thing, no doubt. Ask your wife's story before they get a chance to work one out. talk nice, listen to every word, she'll either not want to talk at all for fear of giving something up or will talk, but listen closely! I've been dealing with it for over a year, being coworkers, no contact is impossible, ...ugg ... I just hope for your sake that it is nothing but an extravagant gift but frankly "covering up" has already caused a trust issue.

If you really think there is more too it, you need to dig, phone records, lunch activities, time off etc. before confronting. Once confronted, all goes underground and info is not in the open and harder to get. I went so far as to observe their IM "away" status ... I saw patterns or MO. basically I could tell time of day they were together, in fact, sometime would just pop in to say hi to prove my theories. I don't even need to see the IM status anymore the patterns are that well defined (but I keep that to myself to compare against what she tells me). Since it is your day off, pop in on her at work with lunch plans to surprise her ... make observations, the reactions, etc. As a final thought, what does Mike's wife think of the purchase?

peoplepleaser posted 12/28/2013 21:42 PM

I'm so sorry you are here. You are following your gut, which shouldn't be ignored. I agree about contacting the wife. Good luck and keep us posted.

Bobf, How do you get the iMessage texts?

IThinkILoveMyWif posted 12/29/2013 21:18 PM

Just a quick update...

Thursday night, we both went to work (I might've mentioned this already). He wasn't there, but his brother was. I failed to mention before that both his brother and my brother also work there. I've never spoken to him or his brother before. He and my brother have actually been friends up to this point. My brother had only ever had one conversation with his brother in the past though. Something about baseball. On this night, his brother went up to my brother and wished him and his family happy holidays. My brother thought this was weird, considering they only spoke to each other the one time. He was probably trying to feel my brother out as far as what's going on. My brother have him nothing.

I should probably mention that my brother is the only one that knows about this current situation - aside of course from all of you.

So that was Thursday.

Friday, she left for work before I woke up. I sent her a text telling her not to give back the kindle. (I had left it in the car the previous night) She wrote back staying the neither he or his brother were at work and that I could ask my brother if I don't believe her. The sorry I got was that their mother was having surgery. How convenient. She came home Friday night and I didn't say a word to her. She went to bed and I stayed on the couch.

Saturday when I woke up, I was reminded that we had a show to go to, me, my wife and the kids. So she didn't go to work. As far as I know, neither of its have had any contact with the guy.

Now it's Sunday night and I'm at work and she's at home.

So that's where we stand currently.

A couple of notes: I had been searching for him and his wife on Facebook since this all happened. I couldn't find either of them. My brother told me that he searched for him and he came right up. This can only mean one thing - he blocked me. I created a fake account and searched for him and sure enough, there he was. I found his brother too. No sign of his wife though, the one person that can clear all of this up. So I paid $3 on some website to get their address. One of these days, I'll go there when he's not there, give the kindle to his wife and see what she thinks about all of this. I also found out from his time card that he's off on Sundays and Mondays, the same days as my wife. So who knows what's been happening in those days all along.

Alright, well that's it for now. I'll keep you ask posted. Thanks for taking the time to read my story and give advice. I really appreciate it.

toby posted 12/29/2013 21:52 PM

Have you checked her text/call logs online? How about her Facebook account? Her emails?

IThinkILoveMyWif posted 12/29/2013 22:10 PM

[This message edited by IThinkILoveMyWif at 10:16 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]

IThinkILoveMyWif posted 12/29/2013 22:17 PM

No, but she's pretty good about covering her tracks with that stuff, especially now.

goodbye_virginia posted 12/29/2013 22:25 PM

Why would he block you on FB if there was nothing to hide? He is probably worried you will out him there!

toby posted 12/29/2013 22:34 PM

No, but she's pretty good about covering her tracks with that stuff, especially now.
Doesn't hurt to check. If you find any strange numbers, you can use to find the owner.

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