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hurtneedshealing posted 12/28/2013 15:15 PM

This is my first season of holidays after my divorce was final. I am grieving my marriage ending. I wanted to seek support from others who have been there and are there now. Trying to keep going when I could so easily curl up in a fetal position and cry for days when my babies left for their visitation with my ex. I never wanted a legacy of divorce for my children. Marriage was sacred to me and I was a faithful loving wife who did my best to make it work. Hoping all of our New Year's are happy and blessed. Please pray for me and for all hurting from divorce and infidelity. I certainly could use your prayers. Thank you.

gma56 posted 12/28/2013 15:43 PM


Welcome to SI and NB !
The first holidays is the hardest. I'm so sorry you are hurting so bad but it's normal.

I never wanted a legacy of divorce for my children
None of us did for our families and ourselves. Time heals but more important what you do with it to help yourself heal.Right now you need to to grieve the loss of your normal. It's OK. This shit hurts !

If you can do something small for yourself that you can't or don't have time to do when the kids are home is a start. A DVD rental, lunch with a friend,massage,read a book, or bubblebath. Just for you, you deserve it !!!!!

I was a faithful loving wife who did my best to make it work.
That is a good thing even if XH wasn't worthy of it.

Sending prayers of strength and know you aren't alone. Most of us here have BTDT and understand.

hurtneedshealing posted 12/28/2013 15:54 PM

Thank you Gma...I had my hair done. A splurge ex would not have allowed when we were married. I am hanging out with my older sons here and we've watched movies. It is crazy hurtful but I won't let him destroy me. I will never get why he wanted to destroy me...I know it is not about me or my worth but wow he directed all the hurtful on me. Please pray for me to not have the emotions I have for him. I think it is a trauma bond mixed with my religious values. I still love him but know he is steeped in his sexual addictions. Pray for me. I have baggage I have got to leave at the foot of the cross.

FaithFool posted 12/28/2013 15:56 PM

(((hurtneedshealing))) The first Christmas / holidays are always the worst. As gma said, we have all been where you are right now, and it hurts.

There are so many levels of pain to process, it can seem insurmountable sometimes, but you will see small improvements over time.

If you have never kept a journal you may want to start now, just writing down your thoughts and emotions can be very healing. It's also a great way to track your progress through this mess.

I think we all celebrated the first day we made it through without curling up in a ball and crying our eyes out. (Do it, by the way, if that's what your body is asking. It's something I think we've all done, I know I have many many times. Not anymore though.)

Those first days and weeks are excruciating when you're trying to sort through emotions and figuring out where we go from here.

Self-care is your priority now.

Big hugs. You can do it. One baby step at a time.

cass posted 12/28/2013 15:58 PM


The first of everything is hard and the early days and months are the worst.

Take it form those of us who are a lot further along that you will be ok. Gather strength from S.I. and from those who have walked your path and survived to experiece better days and times. Take good care of yourself. Next year will be different.


FaithFool posted 12/28/2013 16:06 PM

FYI, gma and cass are in my original SI posse. Here we are years later and cass and I met up last year in Ireland. We make friends here.

gma56 posted 12/28/2013 16:08 PM

I have baggage I have got to leave at the foot of the cross
You will one at a time. Remember there is no timeline for healing.
Being able to give my hurt, worries, and anger to God was the way I got through many days and a sense of humor.
I understand.

I'm almost 6 yrs out from dday and I'm still giving new found baggage to God, lucky for us He never refuses to take it.
you're gonna be OK !

gma56 posted 12/28/2013 16:10 PM

FYI, gma and cass are in my original SI posse
Look who all showed up to help through the holidays !

We were there and now giving back.

[This message edited by gma56 at 4:21 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]

hurtneedshealing posted 12/28/2013 16:14 PM

Thank you for your encouragement. We will all make it. God is good and He is always there.

gma56 posted 12/28/2013 16:25 PM

We will all make it. God is good and He is always there
Yes he Is !!!!

You may never have all the answers to why he threw away his family but just know it wasn't ever about you, only his selfishness and broken self.

Celebrate ALL your big and small victories in the healing process.

Kodi posted 12/28/2013 16:35 PM


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