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Lola88 (original poster member #41540) posted at 1:56 AM on Sunday, December 29th, 2013
I don't deserve this - not many of us do but for the past four weeks (since d-day) I've been asking myself what I could have done to make a difference.
Tonight I've realised there is not a single thing I could have done. I've been all I can be for him as he was for me, but it wasn't enough for him.
So that's it, I'm out. I feel used and abused, currently not in a position to walk away so maybe it's payback time. I sound so bitter and that's how I feel.
He won't know what's hit him.
lqqk4answ ( new member #41662) posted at 2:21 AM on Sunday, December 29th, 2013
It has only been four weeks, while I admit I don't know your situation, I will say to keep you head on! A year ago my wife told me she could "go out with whomever she wanted and I couldn't stop her". It didn't take me but hours to know she was right, although it doesn't make it right. I though of revenge and everything else under the sun over the next year, I'm sure we all do, However I knew if I carried out any, I would end up being the one responsible for our marriage's demise -- I didn't cause the problem and I'll not be the one held responsible. Again, I don't know your situation, but I do believe a logical level head will prevail over an irrational, emotional one. Besides, I doubt a simple payback will make you feel any better so think it through!
D-Day: 5 Dec 2012
NC date: waiting
Me, BS, 57 years
WW, 53 years
Married 30 years at time.
peoplepleaser ( member #41535) posted at 3:35 AM on Sunday, December 29th, 2013
I agree with lq. The opposite of everything is indifference, so if you need to feel empowered check out the 180. Don't let WS reduce you to someone you aren't. They don't deserve to have that power over you. Hugs. I'm sorry you are here. The anger is almost as unbearable as the pain and sadness.
XWS: 40
BS: 40
DS: 7
9 year relationship
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013 with TT
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011 with TT
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo
Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 4:11 AM on Sunday, December 29th, 2013
(((Lola88))) It's truly a freeing moment when you realize that what he did is all on him and had nothing to do with what you did or didn't do.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH
NewlyWed29 ( new member #41772) posted at 9:15 AM on Sunday, December 29th, 2013
I feel you. I'm two months into this and now I realize there is nothing I could have done differently. My husband cheated because he is a cheater. No other reason. The anger comes in waves for me but we have to stay smart.
Sending you positive thoughts.
ShedSomeLight ( member #40212) posted at 1:06 PM on Sunday, December 29th, 2013
on December 31th, I am 5 months out. I am not sure of your situation, but I understand the anger. I still have anger. I "snap" at him a lot for no reason. Sometimes, I am still not sure I want to be here. We are going to therapy and he has done all the right things...but I am still not sure.
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