I miss my husband. My best friend. I miss his smell. I miss telling him goodnight and lying by him in bed. I feel so alone. Even though my brother and sister are both here, and my kids, I just feel so alone.
And he is angry. He already has tried to blame me. He has put it all on me. I was distant. I didnít act like I wanted to be with him. I pushed him away. He actually told the 16 year old in a text that I did love him, but I didnít love him enough all these years and that I would be better alone because I push people away and then he had the nerve to say to her that she was ďa clone of meĒ and that he loved her too, but she didnít show him that she loved him.
Iím more hurt by his words to her than what he has done to me. That was just so fucking cruel and hurtful.
And those fucking letters the inmate wrote to him. I have read them twice now. I know what they say. I know they are the truth. I know they have had sexual encounters because she describes how great they were in the letters. But he is denying all of it. I even said in a text yesterday that ďyou have nothing more to lose, just grow a pair and own your shit!Ē but he denies that anything ever happened with her. He says all they ever did was talk.
He told our oldest daughter (the 22 year old) that nothing happened with any woman but that I found some letters from a long time ago but nothing was true it was some crazy woman who wrote to him and that we were going to get a divorce anyway so not to worry about it. She called me devastated tonight.
His mother (who I refuse to talk to because sheís bat shit crazy and just as narcissistic and even more vindictive and mean) actually called and told our oldest daughter that I served her dad with divorce papers because I found some letters that were old and that nothing ever happened but I am crazy so she (MY FUCKING DAUGHTER) should not call me or talk to me because she just needs to protect herself from me and my whole family.
But I know that deep down he is afraid because he asked me today if I was going to turn the letters over to the prison. I just want this whole thing to be over.
I hate that I am so conflicted with my feelings right now. I am sad, hopeless, angry, doubting myself and a whole myriad of other emotions.
[This message edited by Keebler at 10:42 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]
Attempted R - it was
my WS is 7 years older
we have been together 21 years
DDay for last known EA: December 15, 2013
WS had prior known short EA with a kiss years before
WS exhibiting textbook mid-life crisis behaviors,
Now...as for you. The cat is out of the bag. Sit down with your daughters if you are so inclined and show them the evidence you have. Let them make up their own minds. This removes the toxicity from your husband and his family. They are adults, they can figure this out. While it is embarrassing, it allows them to see the situation for what it is.
In regards to the letters, you can play one of two ways. Use them as a cease and desist to your Husband regarding the additional pain he is inflicting upon your family. (Make sure they are uber secure!). You can hold the letters over his head to maintain that level of power. However, you need to also be ready to produce the letters if he violates the request. He would not be worried if there wasn't something to worry about.
Finally, you can go ahead and send a copy of the letters. There will be consequences not just to his job (most likely losing it) but within your family. It will be like a nuke going off with the dialog given to your daughters through him and his family. While they are powerful, the aftershocks may or maynot be worth it for the first action.
As an adult when my Mother was dealing with my Father's affair, after she called it quits, I wish she would have shared more information with me. I would have supported her so much more than I did. I didn't because I didn't understand. It wasn't until she died that I found some old letters that let me see the real pain she was going through. Knowing what I know that I am going through this, I so regret not being there more for her. While your daughters will not have gone through the pain of marriage betrayal, they will experience betrayal to the family, they will not be able to empathize at the same level, but I am sure they are smart young women that can make decisions for themselves. Since he is throwing you under the bus...go for full disclosure!
Hugs to you....I am sending support your way.
Edited for typo's.
[This message edited by brkn_heartd at 11:42 AM, December 29th (Sunday)]
So sorry for your pain. You sound very strong!
Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.
Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.
Once you get everything you want/need, turn the letters in if you want. Fuck him over like he's done to you.
Perhaps even more importantly, the action of turning in those letters will allow him the help he needs to resolve those inner demons. I think he needs to hit rock bottom, with appropriate authorities aware, so that he can get the right psychiatry to help him sort through his issues. The way I look at it - giving copies of those letters sets a series of activities that will help your WH.
And you don't owe him anything. Your daughters will see the real story when he has to deal with the fallout at his job.
I think you should do what I did write his boss a letter..if he wasnt afraid to have the affair he should be afraid to have everyone know.
When will these guys keep their dicks in their pants...karma is a beotch
With respect to your daughters, I would give them the choice whether to see the letters. I would talk to them alone and tell them the truth of the situation. That their father (and their grandmother) is lying to them, and the true facts. Then mention that you have letters from the inmate to their father. Ask them if they would like to see the letters. Tell them that they do not need to answer right away, but if they would like, you do have copies to show them. Also let them know that if they change their mind later, you will show the letters to them when they are ready.
With respect to the letters, I would make copies and store the originals in a safe place like a safety deposit box. Keep copies if you need to show them to your lawyer or your daughters. But do not keep the originals around where they may be taken.
I hope you feel better and the crying has subsided.
Please take care of yourself and your girls.
Peace and Strength to you.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.