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When I'm doing IC, or in church, or actively working on self-reflection, capturing my thoughts in a journal, etc. I can carry on fairly normally - heck, I even have good days sometimes.

And then the panic attack comes. Night mostly...can't sleep or wake up in the middle of the night with a headache and every fear in the world hits me like a wave:

1- What if I've lost my BS FOREVER?
2- What if I never live in the same house as my kids again?
3- What if they grow up resenting me for my A?
4- What if we lose the house?
5- What if I can't have a normal relationship?
6- What if I can't be productive at work again?

On and on the list goes and it leaves me, well, let's say useless, scared and overwhelmed.

It's only been 2 months since DDay and these attacks are getting more frequent...

I'm sorry you're dealing with panic attacks. Have you gone to a doctor to see about anxiety meds? Both WH and I started having attacks recently, directly due to relationship crap. The meds help for the bad ones. IC is also helping.

Mine are triggered any time the conversation gets too 'real', so pretty much any talk of feelings, doubts, or the A. It sucks. There is a lot of fear and unknowns for both the WS and BS during this time. It's rough!

I had a small one of these last night, Prayingforhope, pretty much the same kinds of thoughts (though in our case we have no kids). These kind of anxieties prey on my mind throughout each day, and it tends to be at night that if do flare up uncontrollably. Just posting to say I feel your pain.

It can't be denied that this is a really really uncertain time. No matter how much work you have to do on yourself or your relationship, you need to take care of yourself too. I back up TodayImStronger's recommendation for IC, and seeing a doctor about anxiety.