When I'm doing IC, or in church, or actively working on self-reflection, capturing my thoughts in a journal, etc. I can carry on fairly normally - heck, I even have good days sometimes.
And then the panic attack comes. Night mostly...can't sleep or wake up in the middle of the night with a headache and every fear in the world hits me like a wave:
1- What if I've lost my BS FOREVER?
2- What if I never live in the same house as my kids again?
3- What if they grow up resenting me for my A?
4- What if we lose the house?
5- What if I can't have a normal relationship?
6- What if I can't be productive at work again?
On and on the list goes and it leaves me, well, let's say useless, scared and overwhelmed.
It's only been 2 months since DDay and these attacks are getting more frequent...