I found out on my own just barely 24 hours ago and confronted my husband of 5+ years a few hours after the fact. He had been sleeping with another woman (who has her own boyfriend) for the past 3-4 months and he was emotionally involved as well.
I told him that I knew and he would need to leave the house immediately, I wanted nothing to do with him. After hours of crying and talking and him begging for my forgiveness/wanting another chance, I relented. I demanded to look at everything on his phone (texts, calls, emails, fb, etc) and I discovered hundreds of texts and facebook messages. I was so disgusted by what I found. It wasn't just physical, and the things he said to her hurts me so bad. Calling her nicknames and saying how much he misses and likes her, talking about how he had to wait til I left the house, the things he'd do to her, pictures exchanged, him talking about a future with her... I want to die.
Husband says he loves only me, it was a mistake, etc and will try to do anything and everything to fix this and I told him the only was was for me to make him change basically his entire lifestyle, eliminate all traces of her, and for me to know EVERYTHING (all passwords, his whereabouts, complete transparency), otherwise how could I be sure? But this is not the kind of relationship I want to have. I don't want to have to control and monitor everything he does. I have zero trust in him now and this will haunt me my entire life. He is not the same to me.
Even if he is "perfect" from here on out, how will I ever let it go, really? How am I get the visuals out of my head? I regret looking at all their text exchanges, but I had to know at the time. He was such a good liar to me during that time and for him to have the audacity to carry on like that for months... did I ever really know him? If it was just a one night stand I might be able to forgive him more easily, but this was such a calculated and deliberate thing he was doing, knowingly taking actions that would break my heart. Further, if I never confronted him, I don't think he would have ever told me.
I told him I would let him try, but I am nowhere close to forgiving him. It's been one night and couldn't sleep because I was crying and I didn't know how this was possibly going to work. Deep down I feel like it will take me months, probably years to get back to where we were and I don't know that he has that resolve in him to try for that long. I can hold a grudge about petty things, and this is one of the worst things that could be done to someone. I think he'll get tired of trying and will cheat again or will want to leave me, leaving me a bigger mess than I am now. I do love him, but I'll never be able to look at him the same way, I'll never be able to fully trust him again. Should I bother letting him try to fix this or should I end it now?
[This message edited by broken1210 at 12:43 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]