Your actions determine your outcome
Then again, your progress might be severely hindered by your absences to work. Even though the calendar says "close to 2 years," it might feel to her like "2 weeks" with you being gone so frequently.
I know my BS has had a lot of dyschronia (mixed-up time sense), especially in Year 1. That caused her to feel as though we hadn't made any progress at all, especially during the times she was severely depressed and riding the roller coaster.
Hope this helps?
Is that normal?
IMHO, understandable but not normal.
It is way more common than you may think in a particular age bracket of female BS's
and strangly enough in a whole group of WS's, male & female. Go figure.
It seems that your BS doesn't want you anymore, she just wants you around.
You have a decision to make, do you keep going in the hope things will improve with effort on your part.
Or do you end it.
She has made it abundantly clear there will never be any intimacy ever again. Live with or not, the choice is yours.
Whatever you do, don't cheat again.
Just something to ponder.YMMV.
[This message edited by SlowUptake at 5:56 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]
"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras
There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
she was like before, not into it, no efforts, after about 6 more months it stopped
She said no, not now and after our son finishes high school she would look at our situation and decide if we should stay together. And would decide if we would ever have sex again.
I might advise differently if your BW simply said she needed time or asked you to be patient or anything along those lines. It sounds like (unless I'm mistaken) that she's agreed to stay in the M for the sake of your son until he's done with high school at which point she will decide whether she is ready to reinvest in it at all.
Would you be able to win her back? Rebuild the intimacy during that time? Would she even be open to you trying that? Or does she simply want to roommates? Clearly you've got some decisions to make and you do have every right to decide you don't want to stay in an M like that.
A lot of maybes. A lot of questions. I would advise you to proceed cautiously and respectfully (maybe even do it through MC) but you can ask for answers.
She physically abused you: "My wife became physical with me, I never laid a hand on her, she's got a left hook and right cross I tell ya, and nails sharp as razors."
You raped her: "I was young and didn't know how selfish I was being, she would say no, I'd climb on anyway and have my way."
I don't think either of you deserve to suffer through a relationship like this.
It's also possible that she's going through menopause and her libido might be down because of hormone fluctuations. She might be very depressed. I'd say to give her some time. She might change her mind about no sex before the kid graduates.
She said she also said she's here for the money and us to be friends.
I believe she is being honest. The intimate part of your relationship is over. If she is now contacting other men and telling you it is none of your business, she is looking for OM to satisfy her "other" needs.
IMO, you are now in an open marriage, but your wife is trying to keep the money supply going until she has someone to care for her and your child. Sounds like she has been checked out of the marriage for years.
I hope that I am wrong, but that's how I see it based on what you have described.
[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 9:18 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]
Also people with sexual anorexia will engage in sex outside of the primary relationship. They fear engaging in the primary relationship exposes them too much emotionally. So the engage with someone with whom they are not emotionally involved - i.e. porn, prostitutes, AP.