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What do you think of WH reasons for why I should stay?

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sparklezombie posted 12/29/2013 19:01 PM

In one of our MC sessions (before our most recent counselor fired us, stating that we (pointedly staring at WH) needed a lot more IC before Mc would be effective), our MC asked WH why I should stay with him. He said and "because of all of the sacrifices I've made and everything I've done for her"

I think this is crazy and very self-centered. Wanted to get opinions from the group.

stunnedin12 posted 12/29/2013 19:04 PM

I know that would not be a reason for me to stay in a marriage.

RealityStinks posted 12/29/2013 19:12 PM

I agree - it's self-centered and self-serving. What did he give up? Certainly not other women.

If my WW said that to me, I'd laugh in her face. In M, both people can't have it their way all the time. That's just part of it, and it shouldn't be looked at as a "sacrifice" either. You do it because you love the other person and want what's best for them.

[This message edited by RealityStinks at 7:12 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]

Teach8 posted 12/29/2013 19:14 PM

Seriously? He cheats on and off for 6 years and that's the best reason to stay. I think your mc is right. More IC. (Sparklezombie)

dmari posted 12/29/2013 19:18 PM

Seriously? His answer shows no empathy toward you. No clue at all. The MC was right ... he definitely needs more IC. Hopefully he is willing and honest.

sparklezombie posted 12/29/2013 19:27 PM

Yeah I don't know how well ic is going for him. He's only been about five times. He won't discuss what topics they're covering. And since he started going he one accuses me of being emotionally abusive, which I take issue with. So I'm not sure the ic is really going anywhere. I feel like hes mainly talking about how to handle me.but that's just a guess

MsRukia posted 12/29/2013 20:30 PM

I would say that sounds very selfish. Did you ask him what sacrifices he is speaking of?

MakingLemonade posted 12/29/2013 22:01 PM

Agree with you- self absorbed.

You're the one who is emotionally abusive??? Seriously???

Obviously I don't know you, but having sexual relations on the sly in a marriage sounds like abuse to me. His comment also sounds like someone who is deflecting what the IC is saying to HIM on you.

Glad I can chuckle about this now, but XWH would get a term said to him and do the same thing, repeatedly! He is crazy.

Lostinthismess posted 12/29/2013 22:41 PM

No way that would fly. Answers I got to that very question were more along the lines of 'because I'll do anything to make you happy, I will be a better man, I will be someone that deserves you' etc. had he come at me with because 'he's sacrificed so much' for me... He would be sacrifice half his shit in a divorce.

Nature_Girl posted 12/29/2013 23:26 PM

Sounds like he thinks you're bought & paid for through his "sacrifices". How does it feel to be owned?

sparklezombie posted 12/30/2013 05:52 AM

Sounds like he thinks you're bought & paid for through his "sacrifices". How does it feel to be owned?

Wow. Just wow. I never thought of it that way. That's not a marriage. It's enslavement.

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