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User Topic: What do you think of WH reasons for why I should stay?
sparklezombie
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In one of our MC sessions (before our most recent counselor fired us, stating that we (pointedly staring at WH) needed a lot more IC before Mc would be effective), our MC asked WH why I should stay with him. He said and "because of all of the sacrifices I've made and everything I've done for her"

I think this is crazy and very self-centered. Wanted to get opinions from the group.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
stunnedin12
♀ 38141
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that would not be a reason for me to stay in a marriage.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure

Posts: 519 | Registered: Jan 2013
RealityStinks
♂ 41457
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree - it's self-centered and self-serving. What did he give up? Certainly not other women.

If my WW said that to me, I'd laugh in her face. In M, both people can't have it their way all the time. That's just part of it, and it shouldn't be looked at as a "sacrifice" either. You do it because you love the other person and want what's best for them.

[This message edited by RealityStinks at 7:12 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
Teach8
♀ 36521
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously? He cheats on and off for 6 years and that's the best reason to stay. I think your mc is right. More IC. (Sparklezombie)


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 509 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously? His answer shows no empathy toward you. No clue at all. The MC was right ... he definitely needs more IC. Hopefully he is willing and honest.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2333 | Registered: Oct 2012
sparklezombie
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I don't know how well ic is going for him. He's only been about five times. He won't discuss what topics they're covering. And since he started going he one accuses me of being emotionally abusive, which I take issue with. So I'm not sure the ic is really going anywhere. I feel like hes mainly talking about how to handle me.but that's just a guess


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
MsRukia
♀ 40219
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say that sounds very selfish. Did you ask him what sacrifices he is speaking of?


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 177 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
MakingLemonade
♀ 41143
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with you- self absorbed.

You're the one who is emotionally abusive??? Seriously???

Obviously I don't know you, but having sexual relations on the sly in a marriage sounds like abuse to me. His comment also sounds like someone who is deflecting what the IC is saying to HIM on you.

Glad I can chuckle about this now, but XWH would get a term said to him and do the same thing, repeatedly! He is crazy.


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
Lostinthismess
♀ 39210
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way that would fly. Answers I got to that very question were more along the lines of 'because I'll do anything to make you happy, I will be a better man, I will be someone that deserves you' etc. had he come at me with because 'he's sacrificed so much' for me... He would be sacrifice half his shit in a divorce.


'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 339 | Registered: May 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like he thinks you're bought & paid for through his "sacrifices". How does it feel to be owned?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10137 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sparklezombie
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, December 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like he thinks you're bought & paid for through his "sacrifices". How does it feel to be owned?

Wow. Just wow. I never thought of it that way. That's not a marriage. It's enslavement.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Topic Posts: 11

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