This is my list of requests for him....
* I need you to have 0 contact with rhonda or other women not in our family. If she initiates contact I need you to tell me immediately and handle it appropriately. (he did not tell me when she confronted him at work until it was obvious I knew)
*I need you to show me you are committed to me and want me and our marriage. If you are not sure I need you to tell me now, don't prolong the inevitable. You can tell me your not sure what you want and still try to work on our marriage. (he told me yesterday he is back and forth)
*I need you to love me through this and be patient with me.
*I need you to be fully transparent. I want you to download mobile spy or some type of software on your phone that goes to a locked email so that I know you are being faithful to me at all times. Having a second phone or secret phone is a deal breaker. (he never did this, but I did and then told him after a week)
*I need you to help me build myself back up. Right now I feel unloved and unlovable. My esteem is damaged greatly. Although it is primarily my responsibility to love myself I need help with that right now. (he is trying)
*I need you to understand if I can not be quite or calm. If I become angry or hateful because I am so hurt. I will try to avoid this but IDK if I can at all times. If I have questions I need answered about your affair I need you to be truthful.(not truthful until I confront him with the truth from her)
*I need you to get your relationship with God right. To get us back in church and have nightly prayers with just you and I like we used to do.(1 Sunday out of 3)
*I need you to stop watching porn and turn to me for your needs and desires. To show me what you want and how to please you. To court me and desire me. (good on this one)
* I need you to be honest and real with our problems or things I do that hurts or bothers you, even when I do not take that criticism well. And please do not wait until you are about to explode to do it. (nope)
*I need the old you who loved me as much as you loved yourself. Who would go to the ends of the earth for me as I would for you.
He is trying to help a lot with house work and the kids. He is being pretty transparent and doesn't freak if I want to see his phone now. He seems to beat himself up a bit over this at times. That is about it. Not enough to me, and the preacher even told him he is not acting like a man who is desperate to save his marriage.