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I think I know now

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heartbrokeninaz posted 12/30/2013 00:08 AM

That he is not really sorry in any way shape or form. He told me tonight that if the tables were turned he would kick me to the curb. He is sick of talking about it. Gets pissed if I mention it. It was just one mistake he has made in the whole time we have been married. I put the ball in his court. Told him he can decide what he wants out of this. He can stay or go. I am worth way more then being told this garbage. I am nice, a good mom, and beautiful. So sick of this but sad for my 5 year old if this unfolds. We will not be in the same state his dad is in. I am done choosing. He can now.

momentintime posted 12/30/2013 01:17 AM

You rock, now stick with your program. He did this, he needs to deal with ALL the consequences. If you want to talk about it for 10 years, until you make some peace with it, well then he needs to suck it up, take it and work to heal you. End of story. Stay strong.

you rock.

suckstobeme posted 12/30/2013 01:54 AM

No, he's not sorry. Your DDay was only about six months ago. At this point, he should be devoting 100% of his energy to helping you heal. Part of healing is talking about it.

He doesn't want to look in the mirror to see himself and what he's done. He wants to put the burden on you so that you can just sweep it all under the rug and suffer in silence.

Yes, you are worth way more than that. Don't let him step over your line in that sand. If he refuses to do the work to heal the pain that he caused, he can go inflict pain on someone else.

heartbrokeninaz posted 12/30/2013 14:03 PM

It is so hard! This morning I can tell that he feels bad. He is so terrible about communicating feelings or anything. He has been transparent, he gave me all passwords, I always know where he is, he helps out at home more. He was doing good talking to me about it earlier, bu it not the last 2 weeks. It was a ONS. There isn't a whole lot information but dang it! If I ask the same question 800 times I want it answered! I am a bi obsessive. I also have a bit of a problem only bringing it up on our date nights when we have been drinking. I'm pretty sure he told me that last night because he was angry. Gosh this is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life! I love him with all of my heart. Please tell me it gets better. He is great at everything but talking! I think its going to take time:(

sisoon posted 12/30/2013 14:38 PM

Recovering from being betrayed and W are really difficult processes. It's best to keep your head while you do the work - which I think implies limiting mind-altering substances is a good idea.

Also, date nights are usually aimed at doing something fun together to build new positive memories, so a date is usually a bad time to discuss the A. Can you schedule some other time for your discussions and leave date night for fun and bonding?

thebighurt posted 12/30/2013 15:00 PM

Are you and WH in IC or MC?

Xpos is lousy at talking about things that matter, among his many bad traits. He absolutely refused to go to either. Said it was because the only time we went to MC, "he only wanted to blame ME for everything ". Instead, he took the coward's way out. But it could help you if both go. Can even help if only one goes. I wish I had gone alone many years ago when I first considered it.

(((Heartbrokeninaz))) What sisoon said, too.

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