In a prior post I said I was feeling guilty about doing the 180. But I realize now it is not guilt so much as it is fear. For the past 2 years I knew deep down that the 180 for me meant the end of my marriage and I never really wanted that. Since I haven't been willing to accept the end of my marriage I was never successful at the 180.
I know now the end of my marriage is inevitable so it is easier to 180. I can't live with the constant anxiety anymore, the unanswered questions mostly, the lack of trust the worst. Wh only did half of what I needed. Deactivated FB and email accounts, gave me all passwords and access to phone. Enough for me to trust 50%.
That's not enough, because my gut has told me all this time that there was more to the story of his reconnection with slut buddy of 30 years ago. He has continually lied about that both by omission and outright denial.
Yes I found something new just recently (can not say what because he has read my posts here in the past), nothing earth shattering or anything that points to a PA, but when I calmly questioned him about their frequency of communication, he lied yet again. He admitted to more contact than previously, but much less than what it actually was. 
So ONLY one week of the 180 and he tells me he is having his lawyer write up the separation agreement. I guess one week is waaaaay to long for him to go without sex which is what the 180 means in his world. Nothing more than not getting sex.
And all I ever wanted was honesty. WTF? Is that so hard?
