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LostSamurai posted 12/30/2013 10:04 AM

It's been only 2 months since DDay. My WW and I have been spending time together here and there and been enjoying company but the fact that she chose to be separated and the affair(s) are over as much as I can tell. I did get confirmation from OM that he is no longer talking to her and I got that from OMW as well.

Did anyone elses WS or did any of you ex-WS choose to be separated and act like they were going to return?

I mean, I am really ticked about it and feel like I am falling out of love with her because she doesn't say certain things or do certain things and it feels like is trying to control/manipulate me.

1. She doesn't say I love you, but she say's I miss you and want to see you.
2. Her co-workers/friends payed for her to go to the salon and get all nicely did up.
3. Her facebook images barely say anything or show me in them. What should I make of that?

1.)I assume she doesn't say I love you because probably figures I don't believe it or she doesn't feel it. Yet she act's like she wants to be with me and work on her marriage.

2.)This is like, a free ride in infidelity land. I know one of them knew about the affair and now they are taking her out to get a hair cut.

3.) This shows me that she doesn't want me to be part of her life in my opinion. Actions speak louder than words.

nuance posted 12/30/2013 10:50 AM

Friends that knew about the A should not be friends anymore. Only friends of the M should stay.

I wouldn't stay with a spouse that doesn't love me and is not fully remorseful. This is just me though - I know some in this forum believe in giving some time before a final decision. You should do what feels right for you.

Razor posted 12/30/2013 11:30 AM

my WW still has 1 friend that knew about her LTA. This is a woman WW has known practically all her life.

WW states that this friend never actually supported her in her affair but was there to listen when WW needed to vent.

This friend never liked me much so I guess she did not feel the need to tell me what was going on. WW would not give this friend up because in WW words *she never really did anything wrong*.

In my view she never did anything right either.

In the end we cant control who our WS have as friends. It sucks. But thats the truth of it.

The separation you talk of is troubling because to me I see this as a way for a WS to act single yet stay M. Cake eating.

I dont know your story. But if your WW affair was long term (LTA) then she may have actually been in love with her OM and stopped loving you. In that sense what she says makes some slight sense because she misses you and wants to see you. And may be in the process of falling back in love with you. OTOH she could be just saying these things to string you along.

I dont see allot of your WW wanting to R with you in what you say here.

It just seems to me that IF your WW was really wanting R then she would be showing more signs of working toward that. Maybe shes thinking that you have to win her back?

I see a lot of red flags in the friends your WW is keeping and this separation. How do you know there is not other OMs?

LostSamurai posted 12/30/2013 12:03 PM

Razor,
She did make the comment that I was trying to win her back... which I think is stupid. We both did things in our marriage she said, 1. I used porn. 2. She had multiple affairs. Neither one is justified by the other. I don't know if there are more OM's.

I am checking phone logs daily, but don't have access to her Facebook...

She is planning go away with 2 friends for new years. I made some comments basically showing my displeasure...

Razor posted 12/30/2013 12:14 PM

Sorry to hear this.

If she had any remorse at all she would not be blaming you looking at porn for her affairs. Thats like saying a city has a high crime rate so we are justified in dropping a nuke on it.

If she had any remorse at all she would be working her bottom off trying to win YOU back. But she isnt. Instead she is going with *friends* to celebrate new year.

I am truly sorry to say that this does not look good to me. All I can suggest is that you talk to a good lawyer and get your ducks in a row.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 12/30/2013 13:18 PM

Hi, Lost,

Why is she going out with 2 friends for New Years eve? Not you? I don't think that's R worthy.

I need to feel loved and hear it. Not just "want the M to work", or "come back to the family."

My situation has been different (xwf gone right away (coward and too guilty), and never had the chance to R. But I have realized I have to be told and shown love. I think she should go out NYears eve with you.

Sounds like the 180 to take care of you.

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 1:20 PM, December 30th (Monday)]

Ostrich80 posted 12/30/2013 13:18 PM

When looking at her actions, it sounds like your not feeling the love. As far as OM confirming its over and ws the same, that doesnt necessarily mean its true . My ws ow also backed up what he told me...it wasn't over. Even if it is, why in the hell is she celebrating new years away with friends? Especially with DD not that far in the past. It just doesn't sound like she's working very hard to make you feel like she is wanting you and your M. I would be very uncomfortable with this Nye trip.