scaredyKat is right. I, too, found myself comparing myself at first to one of WS's whores and wondering how he could possibly choose her over me.
But that's just it...he didn't choose her OVER me. There was no comparison in his head, like "this girl has a better body than my wife, I'd rather have sex with her." It was never about him trying to find a superior partner.
In fact, my WS is so emotionally messed up that he was looking for INFERIOR partners that he could dominate so as to repeat the cycle of sexual abuse that he went through as a child. But I didn't realize this until I had read a few books and started my own IC.
Arais, realizing this was incredibly healing and helpful for me. A few men that I know have respectfully told me that I am a he** of a woman and that ANY man who wasn't already married would jump at the chance to be with me. And you know what? It might sound arrogant, but it's true. There's plenty wrong with me, I'm no supermodel, but I have worked hard on myself and I do believe that I was a great wife. WS admits this himself; he knows that he is losing probably the best life partner he will ever have, all because he couldn't keep it in his pants.
I, too, feel humiliated -- and doubly so because WS's AP's were all teenage girls. Yup, that's right. Talk about embarrassing. I don't even feel right referring to any of them as "OW"...they're hardly women, barely finished with puberty!
Perhaps your WH didn't love enough...himself. Because sometimes with the WH it's about self-esteem. Other cases, the WH is a narcissist who loves himself TOO much and puts himself and his selfish desires first. Either way, it's about WH. Which is something very hard for anyone who hasn't experienced infidelity to understand...I still get people telling me, "But you did so much for him!" or even, "But you're so attractive, why would he look for someone better?"
If Halle Berry could be cheated on, then there's the quintessential proof for you. You can bet your boots her husband wasn't looking for a superior woman.