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Help Im Backsliding

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tryin2bhappy posted 12/30/2013 18:55 PM

Hello,
I haven't posted on here in a long time. I occasionally stop by and read posts but that's about it. A little about my story:
Dday was Aug 2012 (found out he was talking to other women on the phone over months+ and had sex with one)and we separated Jan 2013. Anyway, I thought I was over it, the entire marriage. He hasn't really been around, in the kids life and he moved back to his hometown. He texts occasionally to check on them, but is the type to burry his head in the sand when he knows he's wrong.
Lately, I've really missed him, I missed being a family, I miss date nights, I just miss my old life. I don't know if its the season, or genuinely part of me wants to work things out. I don't even know if I can, and he hasn't reached out to me. But with his personality I know he won't, especially if he's ashamed.

I just don't know what to do. IS this just part of the process? Should I reach out to him? Please help any advice would be helpful

gonnabe2016 posted 12/30/2013 19:04 PM

Step away from any means of *reaching out* to him.

What you are going through is a *dip* and totally a part of the process. (and the holiday season is a BITCH)

When you feel that strong urge....just remember that this guy has made little to no effort to remain a part of his kids' lives. That tells you all that you need to know. Don't use his *personality* as an excuse for him to be a douche.

littlefoggy posted 12/30/2013 19:18 PM

He isn't trying to fix things.

He is burying his head in the sand and hoping it all goes away. If you reach out to him, then it goes away and his trick works.

Don't reach out to him.

BAB61 posted 12/30/2013 21:25 PM

You miss HIM or you miss what you THOUGHT you had with him? Be honest with yourself here. You don't need to reply to this question .. it's for you to think about. Brutal honesty with yourself.

Do you miss the way he lied? cheated? rugswept? tt'd?

He hasn't really been around, in the kids life and he moved back to his hometown.

Not for nothing, but HE doesn't miss you or the life he had with you .. or the kids or the relationship he had with them. Is he with someone else?

Gently - wake up and smell the sh*tsandwich ...

It sounds like you are in limbo, have either one of you filed for D? Talked to a L? What is the status of your M?

tryin2bhappy posted 12/30/2013 21:36 PM

BAB61
Whenever I think about this, I realize I miss the idea of what we had. That term ignorance is bliss would be my reality.
As far as your questions, he lost his job due to his new found anger, go figure. And moved back home to stay with his parents.
I don't talk to him so I don't know specifics and I don't ask.
I don't know if it would be considered limbo at this point, Ive been holding off filing b/c he wouldn't sign the paperwork. But in my state after a year you can file so I submitted it to the court today

imwideawake posted 12/30/2013 21:41 PM

Go for you for filing today. It is hard at first, but just keep reminding yourself that he is doing nothing to help you heal. Keep moving on for you. You are strong. Holidays are rough, but almost over.

imwideawake posted 12/30/2013 21:41 PM

Go for you for filing today. It is hard at first, but just keep reminding yourself that he is doing nothing to help you heal. Keep moving on for you. You are strong. Holidays are rough, but almost over.

lifestoshort posted 12/30/2013 23:55 PM

you are backsliding. I believe what you are missing is love and stability. NOT him.

I get this often. I miss being a couple, holding hands, sharing the things the kids do and for us to laugh over...
however, I KNOW what I want and need is not what any ex could give me or it would have lasted.

I think you are longing for what could have been. but you cannot change people. walk away. you deserve better. you know this.

Dawn58 posted 12/31/2013 00:27 AM

Hi trying2bhappy,

My Dday was 11.25.12, so I am just a few months behind you. I filed for divorce 1.8.13 and it's still not final.

The holidays are tough. I was at my sister's and niece's birthday party and everyone there was a couple, except for my 21 year old nephew. That was hard. The holidays seem to be all about couples and families. I miss being part of a couple. I miss the house I use to live in and past holidays spent there with family.

I don't miss the lies or the deceit. My STBX is a liar and a cheat. I don't want a husband like that, I don't deserve a husband like that. There are no lies in my house now, I am free from that. Would I want to go back to that, no. Even in my loneliest moment, I would not go back. I remember lying next to him in bed, watching him typing away on his laptop and I had no idea he was texting his mistress. When I start to miss him, I think about that, and I am over missing him very quickly.

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