I think you have done all you are required to do. I think if you have apologized sincerely and have given her everything, you are under no further obligation. (Thank you for doing that.)
Just kindly decline, saying you have nothing further to add and you would appreciate your privacy.
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013
I don't see any reason to personally meet with her, but I think a phone call could allow her to ask her questions and obtain the answers she is looking for.
Yes, it will be uncomfortable. Yes, you've had a very trying year. Unbelievably hard in fact. But please remember that she has too, and that she may have questions that are still unanswered.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:41 AM, December 31st (Tuesday)]
I don't think anyone has anything to gain from this. Speaking from experience, her questions probably don't have anything to do with you. Her spouse should be giving her the answers to her questions.
The fact that you'd even consider meeting with her, shows what a compassionate person you are. God bless you and your family, I can't imagine how tough this time of year has been for you.
If your friend is willing, ask her to pass along a message to the wife, that you are still deeply sorry and ashamed for your actions, but you have no further information and you respectfully request that she not attempt to contact you ever again.
My guess is, she needs support or a sounding board and has no one to turn to. How would you, and your friend, feel about referring her here to SI?
Something doesn't feel right. Don't do it.
And, it should be HER decision as to whether it is a good thing for her to do.
It's not just up to the BS here. Query has a right to do what's best for her healing as well.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Are you feeling responsible for her healing? Guilt for your past actions? Are you thinking it will help her, or is there some aspect of self-punishment involved?
If it's about helping her heal, there are ways to answer any additional questions she might have without meeting her in person. There's no need to meet in person, and I'm concerned about what kind of impact such a meeting may have on you. It's a potential powder keg, and one without an upside for you as far as I can tell.
Think long and hard about this. And then make choices that are best FOR YOU.
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
query, it's totally up to you. If you gave everything that you have, you are under no obligation whatsoever, to have any further contact with the BS.
However, like JanaGreen suggested, maybe another line of communication.
Too often than not, "in person" meetings are potentially very dangerous. Especially due to subject matter.
P.S. I'm so sorry about the loss of your twin.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Deeply Scared - My comment only meant that the BS has a right to decide what is good for the BS.
In my case, I really needed to talk to the OW. I wanted to hear her side of the story (even if it was a lie). Also, I wanted to create some kind of closure or peace between us. The OW refused to answer any of my questions via email, phone or otherwise. I finally confronted her in person at her workplace. At that point, I no longer wanted to ask the questions. She lost the opportunity to "redeem" herself. I will never have even the tiniest bit of respect for her.
If you do this, there is always the chance that the outcome is not good. But, it could also be an opportunity to make amends. A sincer apology, some empathy and the truth can go a long way.
For you, I can see that there is little to no benefit but, for her it may or not be some kind of closure. It's a tough spot to be in but, if you choose to open yourself up for that I wouldn't meet with her. One possibility is to set up a dummy email for her although it shouldn't be an open door for future contact.
I know I'm in the minority but, as a BS, I would love to have the opportunity of asking a few of the questions I have. Just my feelings in the matter.