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Wanting help with conversation frustration

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Scorpio2310 posted 12/31/2013 00:25 AM

I know that it is very wrong to snap at my BSO when she ask me the same questions time and again. I don't like doing it but it frustrating. I would like some ideas on how I might channel that frustration into something constructive instead on snapping at her.

Brandon808 posted 12/31/2013 00:54 AM

BH here and I don't know if this will work for you but may try this mental exercise. Think of it in terms of a bank. You're making deposits into her account. Like any savings you build them up over time, slowly but surely. So each time you answer calmly, openly and patiently you're helping accumulate more deposits with her. Call it trust, love or whatever. The point is that it needs to grow. When you're impatient you withdraw from it.

gotmylifeback posted 12/31/2013 01:18 AM

With my current SO, we have found that writing things out helps. I tend to throw out too many questions and information at her at one time. She gets kinda overloaded and anxious. So, I have tried to write more things down in an email and then she can answer and address each topic more specifically and without the pressure of having to give an immediate response.

If your BSO asks you the same questions repeatedly, there is probably the fear that some day, your answer will suddenly change (trickle truth). Maybe just start writing out your answers in a proactive manner. Dear, BSO I know you frequently ask about... (insert your answer) Sometimes having something in writing can be helpful. Have your written out a timeline?

Based on your registration date, I would assume that dday was very recent. The repeated questions may continue for a while. Think of these times as opportunities to help reassure her. Maybe start telling her the answers in advance, before she asks them.

SlowUptake posted 12/31/2013 03:16 AM

Have you done a detailed timeline?

When my BS would ask me questions, I found the anger was a response to the reminder of what a total asshat I had been. The anger came from the guilt.

When I sat down and wrote out the timeline, it forced me to "own it".
The guilt was still there, but the anger went away.

Just something to ponder.YMMV.

[This message edited by SlowUptake at 4:57 AM, December 31st (Tuesday)]

heforgotme posted 12/31/2013 03:22 AM

I would like some ideas on how I might channel that frustration into something constructive instead on snapping at her.

Try to look at it as an opportunity. We have had waywards who are frustrated bc their BS refuses to talk. Yours is talking. And every time she does, you have an opportunity to make her feel better. Even if she is asking hard things, talking is talking. It is bringing you closer. Even when it hurts.....

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