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Harmless Ladies night out.

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niteout posted 12/31/2013 19:38 PM

Married 7 years with my wife during our marriage she and her girlfriends would go over to each others homes and pubs leaving at 7pm -1am.

This went on for years with me thinking that it was a harmless night out. A month ago I noticed her FB open there's no rule in our house that she can't check my fb or the other way.

Browsing through her pics were nothing new that I hadn't already seen. I noticed comment in her pic by a long time friend, a over seas oil worker who worked 9 weeks on and 3 off always returned home.

He wasn't on my FB list of friends mostly because I never added him or he me to the friends list. So clicked on his profile then albums there was 5000 photos going to 2008 when he joined.

Must have spent a hour going through his house party albums he hosts a lot of them due to his money. One the pics shocked me it was a pics of my wife and another girl on top his naked chest smiling brightly for the camera.

The first thing that I did want to shoot over message on fb from her account stating who I was and if he had slept with my wife in 2011. No we just kissed but it didn't mean anything. Lucky for him he was out of the country working.

My wife flatly denied kissing him and as for the photo well that was nothing really. Then we started fighting with her calling me every name that she could think of.

If they did fuck than I want out of the picture. He says that they kissed, and she denies it. What do you guys think? If they did kiss wouldn't they have done more?

Brandon808 posted 12/31/2013 20:12 PM

I'm probably not the best person. My personal track records with Ladies Nights out is dismal. Two wxgf's who both cheated when the went out with friends.

He has no reason to lie so imho your WW and he did at least kiss. Problem now is that she will go into damage control mode and either lock down her social media or delete as much as possible...or both.

I wouldn't call the photo "nothing really". It got a reaction from you, didn't it? It sounds like you're second guessing yourself.

What concerns me is the extent to which your WW has built this whole social that includes more than just her female friends yet does not include you. I used to go out with both of the wxgf's I mentioned above. I wasn't socially outgoing enough for them so they preferred to just hang with their friends. Welllll...that didn't work out so well for me. Word of warning...I fear you may have scratched the tip of the iceberg considering your WW has been having these outings for years now.

cissi posted 12/31/2013 20:22 PM

With 5000 pictures on his Facebook and all the parties he hosts, I wonder if he even knows who he has "kissed." I would not take his word for it.

TrustedHer posted 12/31/2013 20:31 PM

Girls' Night Out was my XWW's cover story for her affairs.

I'm sure there is such a thing as a harmless Ladies' night out. Doesn't sound like the case for you and your marriage, however.


mike7 posted 12/31/2013 20:53 PM

why is she calling you names? I don't think her defensiveness is a good sign.

niteout posted 12/31/2013 21:47 PM

The over seas oilman has a reputation for fucking a lot girls but is thing is married women, I hope this is not true I really worked hard to my wife.

have a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow and I have given her one more chance to come clean. I asked why didn't you invite me to those house parties knowing that there would be men there?

At first she said that she didn't know that men would be there after all is was a girls get together, it was this girl who nobody talks to anymore that invited them.
I gave her another chance saying don't fuck with me! The real reason that she didn't want me there is that I'm basically non drinker two drinks max.

while everybody pounded back at least 8-10 beers. A couple of minutes ago I informed her that I have a lawyer and I am filling for divorce at first she thought that I was joking. Until she saw the tears in my eyes did she realize the threat was legit. Then she admitted to kissing him but only because he forced her and that she would never do it again.

So I asked again did you fuck him if you didn't I'll forgive you? No we didn't have sex! Almost trusted her until I picked up her phone. There was a message saved in her hotmail from him that I discovered after scrolling down this also goes back to the same time period.

Message to him read when are you coming back? I miss you so much. She said that they are friends from before me and that she'd never give him up and again they never had sex!

I took years just to get a date out of her let alone marry. Who do I trust my gut or her?

mike7 posted 12/31/2013 22:02 PM

well, you've already caught her in several lies. why would you trust her now?

you need to tell her no more contact with this guy. she blew her chance to stay friends with him when she crossed a boundary and kissed him. too bad for her.

if you don't stay strong now, she will not respect you. i think you need to shake her out of this behavior immediately.

talking to a lawyer was a good start.

trojan007 posted 12/31/2013 23:20 PM

First of all girls night out... Not ging to happen with any woman I'm with I know all about that. Hey buddy just remember expect the worst. Best thing you did for yourself and M was file for divorce. remember when it comes to the subject and her lips are moving she's lying. She's in damage control right now, honestly not sure what's worse the affair or the lying. My opinion she has no respect for the marriage or you. The good news is you came to the right place. Lots of good people here that can help guide you through one of your worst nightmares. Please listen to what they have to say. We've all been through it. Good luck and keep posting

Brandon808 posted 12/31/2013 23:39 PM

The real reason that she didn't want me there is that I'm basically non drinker two drinks max.
Oh brother...I hate to tell you but that is the same reason my wxgf gave for having her girls nights out and going to parties without me. We were together 5 years and were seriously planning on marriage.

My concern is that she wants to keep you because you're safe, supportive and a good man but she also wants to keep her guys on the side to have fun. That's what it sounds like here.

niteout posted 1/1/2014 00:46 AM

This shit fucked up! 2000 met in a bar she was hot and I was not. She may have been the favorite at least to me. Come on she didn't want me I didn't have dime on me. Slept on my cousins couch during this period, lucky for me life changed 180 degrees. Not 360 but good.

During lunch hour went to subway to eat sub, however upon arriving at the window I was turned off workers in there who looked dirty from a distance. So I made my way over to the Italian restaurant with tar all over me. So I asked the waitress at the door
if I could order out. She invited in the the bar where giving a good among all these suits.

Yeah! it was her and the memories came back long story short after chasing for a few more years we married. At that time she had been living with friends surfing from house to house.

I thought it was a pretty woman ending until now. That why its so hard to leave. Now that she admitted to kissing would you guys believe that no sex transpired everybody can't wrong. if most think that she did than then they hit it.

If I can some how justify the yes. Dd is tomorrow
it's hard. I am crying.

MC_Jack posted 1/1/2014 00:52 AM

Sorry brother. I feel for you. I got the we only kissed story line first... When I found out that they had had sex and that it had been a 2 year deal long distance... I cried...a lot...

it's funny. I can't really explain why it hurts so much. It just did then a lot, not as much now. It is such a weird pain in that I have never found the true source.

hang in there, we're thinking of you

Brandon808 posted 1/1/2014 00:57 AM


She said that they are friends from before me and that she'd never give him up your answer right there. She won't give up a "friend" for her husband?
A "friend" that she admits to kissing? Do you honestly think if you had a female friend you kissed that she wouldn't demand you cut all contact with her?

BAB61 posted 1/1/2014 13:39 PM

She is lying through her teeth imho! She's been cake-eating and doesn't want to stop.

Her nights out sound like it's pretty wild, 2 girls on top of a naked chest ... hmmmmm ... maybe right before that pic she 'just kissed' ... but after????

I think you need to re=iterate NC with him, if she refused, there's your answer.

I have had harmless Ladies Night Outs - but trust me, I didn't go to a house party with other men, and I certainly didn't sprawl across some guy's naked chest.

niteout posted 1/1/2014 14:13 PM

Signed D paper work today, after refused to give up friendship with om. If its true that I was the safer bet. do think that she can change? Here's the real reason that I signed those D papers, called the om today and invited him out for coffee which he refused so we talked by phone.

According to om my wife had used coke so much so that she landed in rehab. I knew that she had been to rehab however I didn't know why. As far as I know she doesn't use coke anymore.

Isn't coke expensive? On the net its says that coke is a 500-1000 dollar a day habit. Where would she get that kind of money; prostitution? Nobody gives things for free! And I refuse to walk down the street with while some old John comes up to her and says remember the times. This happened to a good friend of mine, its not going to happen to me still there's a part of me that finds it hard to let go.

[This message edited by niteout at 2:25 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)]

toomanyregrets posted 1/1/2014 15:57 PM

I'm so sorry your here.

What a way to start the new year.
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, now you can find someone who will really care about you.

Jesu posted 1/1/2014 19:28 PM

Just a kiss? That is exactly what my WSO said to me, and lied to my face. 2 years later I find out that not only was it not a kiss, she fucked OM for 5 days straight, unprotected, not even on BC. Not only that, there was more than multiple OM, and her infidelity spanned years.

Seriously, trust your gut...I should have! RUN...

Bigger posted 1/1/2014 19:53 PM

Well... Using too much coke does not necessarily mean a daily habit. Could be that she used coke “socially” when drinking but excessively on those occasions. And yes it is expensive but pretty women seem to have a way of not having to pay for their drinks… or coke.

If she was using coke to the extent of needing rehab then she shouldn’t be drinking alcohol. As a rule addicts are prone to misusing all drugs – alcohol, coke, amphetamines… - but have a drug of choice.
For example: An alcoholic might prefer getting drunk on whiskey but if he had no other options he would drink vodka. If he had no access to alcohol he might try drugs simply to get his high. Heck – I have seen bums that spread shoe-polish on rye-bread to get a high. So rehab tend to emphasize living a totally drug- and alcohol free life.
So if she went to rehab I venture she was told to stay off alcohol as well as other drugs.

Is it possible she went to detox rather than rehab?

Maybe the flirtatious behavior was part of her pay-check for coke? Maybe the rich OM could have these outrageous parties with all these women because he provided the occasional snort that they knew they would be offered if they were “nice” enough.

In that sense then yes – she definitely crossed a border and yes, kissing in itself is infidelity. But possibly there was no further sex. But if that was the case then the email you found is strange. If the attachment was simply a social wild party one then she wouldn’t be sending him those types of emails IMHO.

Are you determined to divorce no matter what? Do you have a list of requirements that if she meets you would reconsider?

niteout posted 1/2/2014 00:13 AM

WW wants to work this out including cutting of om. Yes she admitted to using coke, xbf was a meth dealer and went away for many years while he was in jail she dated a gangbanger a shot caller and he gave her the free coke.

This is prior to our relationship! Geez I knew that she was hot but I didn't want all this baggage. WW never told me any of this until now lucky for her we moved before I could find all this shit out plus she changed her maiden name to my last name. clean slate...

My gut tells me that she was a hooker she hung with the gangs don't they put women too work on the street. We do have kids so this is a hard decision plus I still love her! but a prostitute come on... I've one month to decide what to do before the paper is submitted to the courts.

Do you guys see what I see and that's that most gangs would put the girls to work?

Brandon808 posted 1/2/2014 00:22 AM

What concerns me is whether this is truly in her past. You got turned on to all of this by the guy (OM) who is currently in her life.

niteout posted 1/2/2014 07:24 AM

I threatened him and told him that I was going to call his work if he didn't answer my questions. I don't know if they'd even had cared what did bother imo him is the fact that he's a drug abuser imagine had his job asked for a piss test.

So I asked him how they met and for how long they'd been together. according to him he met her through her xbf the man who went to jail for selling meth, tried to make it sound that ww was always hounding him while he wanted nothing to do with her. Over the phone he sounded drunk.

Probably most hot girls have a past! Men are willing to go give them drugs but this is to much for me right now. WW confirmed her past there were even more gangs who she'd been hangin with, I think that when you enter their lair sex is always the result. This makes me sick.

WW was just hair under 30 when we met again and married, ww had lost most of her youthful looks. maybe I was in love with memories?

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