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mom of 2 posted 1/1/2014 14:38 PM

It's been a helluva year. I lost my only two siblings (both brothers) 4 months apart. Long story short, I am in possession of one of my brother's cremated remains and my plan was to scatter them.

I found out it's illegal to do so at the place I wanted to. In fact, in my area, it's illegal anywhere on public property which of course includes beaches and parks which is where I wanted to do so. However it is perfectly legal to scatter on my own private property. But I don't want to scatter in my suburban backyard which backs up to my neighbors.

Has anyone dealt with this? Any suggestions?

AgainandAgain posted 1/1/2014 14:52 PM

Where we live, it has similar issues. My fwh uncle was killed and cremated a few years ago. We scattered ashes at the grave of his grandparents. His children each saved some of the ashes and had jewelry made out of them. His one son mixed ashes with soil and planted a tree in the garden for him.

Don't know if these help but I hope I did.

I'm so very sorry about your brothers.

((((mom))))

mom of 2 posted 1/1/2014 14:58 PM

Thanks Again.

Glad I'm not the only one that has dealt with this. I live out of state from my now deceased (and buried) family members so it wouldn't be practical to do the graveyard thing. But that's a very good idea and may be helpful to others.

I have friends that live on the water and/or have "park-like" huge backyards, but unfortunately all of them are kinda creeped out about cremation so I wouldn't feel comfortable asking. I will think on the planting a tree idea though. Thank you.

AgainandAgain posted 1/1/2014 15:05 PM

You're welcome

It's a way to remember them and still see them everyday. I understand that. Also, you could go to a craft store and get those kits to make stepping stones or little blocks of concrete. Make mix ashes with the mix and make it like that. That way if you move, you can take it with you.

I have a friend who cremated her dog. He was her one and only baby. When he died, she couldn't bear to let go of him so she had his ashes crushed into a diamond I think. She wears him everywhere she goes. Some people think it's morbid but I think it's very sweet.

You can PM if you have any questions about anything.

Edited to add some words I left out

[This message edited by AgainandAgain at 3:06 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)]

Gottagetthrough posted 1/1/2014 15:14 PM

A friend scattered her dads ashes during a hike, not sure if she even knew or checked if it was legal?? She went to a desolate area (this is in the southwest) and scattered them at a place that was special for him.

Was your brother religious or affiliated with a place of worship? Some do cremation ceremonies on site (our church had a religious ceremony and buries the cremated remains at churc

I've heard of people scattering remains at a favorite place too-- namely a golf course.

Don't rush, you will find a good spot for your brother. Hugs.

mom of 2 posted 1/1/2014 15:15 PM

I think it's sweet too and I totally get it even if others don't!

mom of 2 posted 1/1/2014 15:20 PM

Gottagetthrough,

No he wasn't religious in a conventional sense if you know what I mean. My adult niece is in possession of my other brother's cremains and she said she is scattering them wherever she damn well pleases, laws or not!

But I am not comfortable with that. Hell, brother number 2 was in enough trouble with the law throughout his entire life it would be just my luck to get arrested trying to give him what I think would be the proper/illegal send off. lol

somanyyears posted 1/1/2014 15:24 PM

..my mom passed in 2006 and with my siblings' permission, half of her ashes were placed in an antique preserving jar, to honour her love for making jams, jellies, chili sauce etc.

The jar was then placed in a fancy box and buried in our dad's grave plot.

..the other half of her ashes were taken to our island cottage and scattered around a special tree that we named for her and some also spread around our campfire ring where family continue to gather during summers, that way, she is in a small part, with us there, enjoying the fires.

Sorry to read of your double loss. May you find peace in whatever location you choose to honour your brother's final resting place.

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 3:26 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)]

mom of 2 posted 1/1/2014 15:35 PM

Thank you somanyyears. It's been tough for sure. Both somewhat unexpected deaths. One brother was from cancer, diagnosed out of the blue and given 3-6 months and died 2 days shy of 3 months, and the other totally unexpected.

Sounds like your mother was very much loved and a lot of thought put into her remains and resting places. I am sure she would love it.

looking forward posted 1/1/2014 15:50 PM

mom of2:
I am very sorry for your loss. I, too, have lost two brothers, in 2007 and late 2012.
Both brothers' ashes were scattered in the river where my paternal roots are.
Oldest brother's wife, my twin sister, and I scattered his ashes in June of 2008. My SIL also kept some in a special wooden box that my brother's BF made for her.
Middle brother died in November of 2012, and this past June, I held a family memorial at my home. I am a licenced lay reader and we held a short service and then we drove to the same river, about 15 minutes away. I continued the service on the pier, and each of us present had a small vial of ashes to empty into the river, along with an iris, his favourite flower.
I Googled the law here in Ontario, as well as a consultation with our local funeral home. It was quite legal.
My sister still has a vial of our middle brother's ashes that we plan to scatter at the cemetery where our parents' cremated ashes are interred.
If you have any religious affiliation, many cemeteries now have Scattering Gardens (fee).

I wish you peace in your decision.
(((mom of 2))

[This message edited by looking forward at 4:06 PM, January 1st (Wednesday)]

somanyyears posted 1/1/2014 15:51 PM

..thankyou mom of 2..for your kind words..

..yes, our mother (to 5 children) was loved very much indeed!

smy

64fleet posted 1/1/2014 16:03 PM

My buddy was told it was illegal and he scattered them anyway. It was his mother's last wish. No one called out the State Police.

allusions posted 1/1/2014 21:58 PM

Sent you a PM

lieshurt posted 1/2/2014 13:29 PM

My grandpa's remains were scattered at sea. He was a seaman and wanted to be scattered in the Gulf of Mexico. His ashes were given to the captain of a ship headed that way. Instead, the captain spread his ashes up north off the East coast When questioned about that, he said "oh well, he'll eventually make his way to the gulf"

EvenKeel posted 1/2/2014 13:47 PM

I am so sorry about your brothers!!!

I would think you could find some place that would fit the bill. Meaning, how about a private lake, beach or mountains? That way it would be the setting you wished without breaking any laws.

I seen a lot of people recently getting cremation charms and necklaces done too. Maybe that has always been popular and I just never heard of it but I seen a few friends on FB do that recently.

Like the other poster mentioned, some people also are scattered on the graves of family members 'to be close' to them.

mom of 2 posted 1/2/2014 17:40 PM

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. I am getting closer to making a decision thanks to you guys.

My heart goes out to all of us that have lost loved ones. Group (((hug)))!

And thanks for the sense of humor too. *My* family always had a wonderful sense of humor which has fortunately, been passed on to my two kids. Unlike their *cough* father and his family. My brothers would approve!

movingforward777 posted 1/4/2014 10:51 AM

When my father passed away we scattered his ashes in a "scattering garden" that one of the local historical churches had just opened. They place a small stone around the edge of the garden with their name, birth/death date on it. It gives me a place to go when I want to remember/talk to/honour my Dad, and I walk along the garden and read the names of the people that have "joined" my Dad in his final resting place.
There was a fee involved, but the funds go to support the historical church. We also smile because my Dad was born in England and the "Union Jack" flies over the church graveyard as part of the historical signifigance.
Sorry for the loss of your brothers....HUGS

justjim posted 1/4/2014 18:46 PM

My buddy was told it was illegal and he scattered them anyway. It was his mother's last wish. No one called out the State Police.

Your buddy is my kind of guy!

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 1/4/2014 20:23 PM

My H's father and uncle (brothers) died within two months of each other. The family made a beautiful garden and most of the ashes are there (buried), but their lifelong best friend kept a little of each of their ashes.

really trying posted 1/4/2014 20:56 PM

(((mom)))

All that I've done have been mentioned. Did he love any sport? I don't know how my son's going to do it but I'd like all or some of my ashes on the Dodger's field.