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User Topic: My mom's visit ( not really that good )
ItStillHurts
♀ 33617
Member # 33617
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, January 1st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still perplexed by how our relationship devolved. I was so excited to see my mom and as it turned out, it was not the visit I expected. I flew her and one brother out to spend Christmas with us.

I remember her as loving, polite, warm. (On the phone mostly over the past three years). During our visit, I could hear her muttering under her breath. Why would she do that. For instance, she asked me for salve and then turned around and muttered just loud enough for me to hear "she probably doesn't even know what it is". She would talk to me about stories from her church friends of coffee group and one time she walked away muttering about having to explain things or answer questions. I am sure there were more times.

Honestly, I felt a huge gap. My dad passed 10 years ago and I loved him and felt a tremendous respect for him. Mom...I can't understand this person. Mad at me because cherished younger brother stayed with his favorite cousin? I hope not. Everyone loves him btw, not just Mom.

If you agree this is passive aggressive behaviour, I am struggling to source it. If it is something else, please share. Not used to this at all.

Do I address or just return to cordial long distance relationship?

Help!

FYI, have not shared certain personal problems with her plus I tire easily these days as background info. Still.....


The cruelest lies are often told in silence (RLS).
DD: December 24, 2010, when she called me from a pay phone pretending to be someone else.
Me: BS (53)Him: WS (56) OW: 63 yr old Husband hunting predatory whore

Posts: 392 | Registered: Oct 2011
KVille
♀ 29071
Member # 29071
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, January 1st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure but it could be she has memory problems. I noticed my mom doing this years ago and now she has trouble remembering most things.


never ever getting back together

Posts: 171 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: North Carolina
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, January 1st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like she is having some losses in the cognitive area. Has she had a thorough checkup? I am not an expert, but I wouldn't take it personally, but would definitely consider having her assessed.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3860 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, January 1st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom has turned into a weird, bitter person. She was always weird, but in a nice, eccentric way. Now she's often downright mean & nasty. She seems to love stirring up trouble; she says cruel things about other people's appearances (but she's always had an inferiority complex, so this is probably not that hard to understand).

I attribute it to the slow deterioration of dementia or perhaps even alzheimers.


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20550 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
finallymefirst
♀ 41060
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, January 1st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my grandfather's health was deteriorating and my grandmother had more responsibilities she became very angry with him. They had unresolved infidelity issues, but as we all know rug sweeping eventually bites u in the butt. She was at the beginning stages of dementia and would lash out at him. As painful as my divorce has been, I'm glad that I don't have to take care of a un remorseful spouse, that might push me over the edge too. Just go back to the cordial long distance relationship and let the brother handle things on his end.

Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013
Too_Trusting
♀ 99
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It, my mother also turned into a mutterer and said very unkind things as she got older. I know it's hard NOT to take it personally, but I had to attribute it to an increasing dementia and according to her Dr., a manifestation of something like an OCD (muttering and talking to herself).

FWIW, my Mom got MUCH worse after my Dad passed. I didn't realize how much he kept her "grounded" until he was gone. Then, she really got bad talking to herself, muttering and saying unkind things, and leaping to the most incredible conclusions.

I found that these things were just part of her getting older and less psychologically stable.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2497 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
ItStillHurts
♀ 33617
Member # 33617
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing.

Moments of the visit still leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I feel so bad that I was too hurt and dumbstruck to do more. I kept attributing it to the weather as there were only two days above zero.

I will research here and we will go for a visit there where I am sure she will be more comfortable in her own space.

Darn sad.

PS. Her happiness has been found: She called to **sing** Happy New Year; honestly, If she were a child I could wring her neck for the sudden good cheer. It's like there are two of her: one for the world to see & one for family. My dad probably did keep her grounded.


The cruelest lies are often told in silence (RLS).
DD: December 24, 2010, when she called me from a pay phone pretending to be someone else.
Me: BS (53)Him: WS (56) OW: 63 yr old Husband hunting predatory whore

Posts: 392 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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