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HurtNewlywed posted 1/2/2014 12:09 PM

I am writing this from my hotel room in Rome, Italy. This is the trip that should have been our honeymoon. The first few days were mostly nice. Being in a new place was a distraction I suppose. The only times that were tense or awkward were at dinner or at the hotel where it was just us with no distractions.

Two days ago we went to the forum and other ancient roman sites. I had so much fun. We had so much fun. For the first time since thanksgiving I forgot about his affair.

But starting that night I have begun having nightmares about his unfaithfulness. Every night I dream he is cheating on me.

Then yesterday I received an email from the OW's fiance. He got the letter I sent him and has a million questions.

I hate that I was having a good time and what he did has crept in and ruined it. Thanks for reading. I just need to vent I guess. Also please excuse any spelling errors. I am writing this from my cell phone.

timeforchange posted 1/2/2014 13:30 PM

Ah hurtnewlywed..... How tough to be dealing with this on your honeymoon 😒😒

Maybe it would be better to deal with the OWs fiancée once you are home? I think it is fair enough to say you will reply to his questions when you get home.

I hope you can find some peace in such beautiful surroundings


goodbye_virginia posted 1/2/2014 14:20 PM


I'm glad you have been able to have some fun on your trip. Distractions are nice sometimes.

I agree with timeforchange. Reply to OW's fiancé and tell him you are willing to answer all questions, but you are not in a place (location wise and emotionally) where you are able to do so. Maybe set up a specific time in the future.

I am very sorry you are going through this now. Take care of yourself.

Skan posted 1/2/2014 15:31 PM

I'm glad that you went and are able to distract yourself a bit.

Listen, when you have nightmares, wake him up and demand comfort, if that's what you need. After years of not having horrific nightmares, they started up again after DDay. Some nights my FWH was up several times a night, bringing me out of a nightmare and holding me (or getting out of bed if that was what I needed) until I could sleep again. For me, that helped. Also, using self-hypnosis about dreaming about something that I wanted to dream about was greatly helpful.

I agree that you should tell OWs F that you will talk to him at such-n-such a date, which would be after you get back. This is one thing that you don't need to do while you are away.

slide095 posted 1/3/2014 07:48 AM

How incredibly difficult to be on your honeymoon right now, the timing of that is just horrendous. I'm glad that you are getting some new scenery at the very least, though.
I agree with Skan, if you're up suffering, he should be more than willing to help get you past your moment.

HurtNewlywed posted 1/7/2014 19:35 PM

Thank you, everyone for your replies. I did read them while I was in Rome, but I did not want to reply as I was trying to think about this as little as possible at that point.

I did message the OW's fiance and tell him that I would answer more questions when I was back home. He understood. I guess I replied to the first few emails because I remember how upset I was when I first found out and so I wanted to be as helpful as possible to try and spare him from wondering and imaging the worst until he heard back from me.

The good news is that his fiance also says that the two of them only talked online and that they never actually met in person. Not that I really trust much of what she would say, after all, she knew my WH was engaged at the time and still pursued him, but if she said they did physically get together, I would have been devastated.

As far as the nightmares, I did start waking my husband up when they happen and he has been nothing but supportive and caring until I could fall back asleep.

It's been over a month now since I found out, and he is still doing everything right. That really gives me hope. But, being back home and living this nightmare again is hard.

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