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My WH way to R... Both WS and BS welcome.

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Melian40 posted 1/2/2014 17:56 PM

Since first days after DD my WH asked me to do the same thing to him, like find a guy I like and have an ONS. It would make us even, he would be hurt like me and everything would be OK.
We are almost 6 months out of DD and when I have the roller coaster he gets sad, impatient and brings up the ONS issue.
Of course I denied his way of R but he insists. Blameshifting is still going on from his side and he says that if I don't do something equal it would take forever for me to heal. He also said that if I did the ONS he would want me much much more.
Although I'm here for a while, I have never read such a thing to match my case.
I decided to 180 him and detach. It feels better and I'm more calm.
What do you guys think?

Clarrissa posted 1/2/2014 18:26 PM

I'm sure you know this but you having a RA will solve nothing. I'm willing to bet he wants you to do this so *he* won't feel so bad about what *he* did. It'll be the "Well YOU did it too!" Having a RA will only compound the problem and take you that much longer to heal.

Your WH doesn't want R, he wants to assuage his guilt by being able to point the finger at you.

Continue the 180 if that's what you need to do. Sorry your WH is being such an idiot.

ladies_first posted 1/2/2014 18:30 PM

I think inviting a third, fourth or fifth person into a sexual relationship destroys intimacy.

Here's proof:

Williesmom posted 1/2/2014 18:31 PM

Yeah, because 2 wrongs always make a right.

I'm sorry, but that's some fucked up logic by your WH.

Skan posted 1/2/2014 19:19 PM

I have never read such a thing to match my case.

Trust me. There have been others that have suggested the same thing to their BS. Essentially, he wants to pimp you out so that you are brought down in the mud, morally, with him. That would accomplish HIM feeling SO much better because now you're "even," while it would make you even sicker than you are after being betrayed.

Real pretty picture ... not!

Go to the I Can Relate Forum and read in the Mad Hatter's thread. You're going to see that if you held your nose and did as he requested, it would make things far, far worse.

His suggestion is that of a coward looking for a way to NOT own up to what he's done. Frankly, booting him out of the house would be my answer.

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