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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: My WH way to R... Both WS and BS welcome.
♀ 41205
Member # 41205
Helpless  Posted: 5:56 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since first days after DD my WH asked me to do the same thing to him, like find a guy I like and have an ONS. It would make us even, he would be hurt like me and everything would be OK.
We are almost 6 months out of DD and when I have the roller coaster he gets sad, impatient and brings up the ONS issue.
Of course I denied his way of R but he insists. Blameshifting is still going on from his side and he says that if I don't do something equal it would take forever for me to heal. He also said that if I did the ONS he would want me much much more.
Although I'm here for a while, I have never read such a thing to match my case.
I decided to 180 him and detach. It feels better and I'm more calm.
What do you guys think?

DD-age 10
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"

Posts: 401 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 21886
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure you know this but you having a RA will solve nothing. I'm willing to bet he wants you to do this so *he* won't feel so bad about what *he* did. It'll be the "Well YOU did it too!" Having a RA will only compound the problem and take you that much longer to heal.

Your WH doesn't want R, he wants to assuage his guilt by being able to point the finger at you.

Continue the 180 if that's what you need to do. Sorry your WH is being such an idiot.

BH Cee64D - 50
FWW (me) - 51

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 6165 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
♀ 24643
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think inviting a third, fourth or fifth person into a sexual relationship destroys intimacy.

Here's proof:

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2144 | Registered: Jun 2009
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, because 2 wrongs always make a right.

I'm sorry, but that's some fucked up logic by your WH.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9177 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never read such a thing to match my case.

Trust me. There have been others that have suggested the same thing to their BS. Essentially, he wants to pimp you out so that you are brought down in the mud, morally, with him. That would accomplish HIM feeling SO much better because now you're "even," while it would make you even sicker than you are after being betrayed.

Real pretty picture ... not!

Go to the I Can Relate Forum and read in the Mad Hatter's thread. You're going to see that if you held your nose and did as he requested, it would make things far, far worse.

His suggestion is that of a coward looking for a way to NOT own up to what he's done. Frankly, booting him out of the house would be my answer.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10206 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 5

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