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or thats what it feels like anyway.

I just feel so lost these last couple days, and today was an overwhelming sense of emptyness

I've been fighting for him to make the decision on whether or not he wants to R or not. This whole time, I've been clinging onto this idea of who we could be if he decided he wanted to give us another chance, how great we could be if we worked past our problems.

except today, i think i've come to the realization that he isn't who i thought he was, and i dont know if he ever can be that person... the image I had of us is gone.

I don't see a reason to R anymore, and I feel so empty.

Maybe i'm just having a moody day, but I had to get it out somehow, so here it is.

((Mair)) This is still very fresh for you. You are early into the rollercoaster. I am almost at 2 years and still have days when I ask myself why am I still with him. Then he does something so nice, thoughtful or loving and I answer myself.

You have been heard MairISaoirse, I too have days like that.

If he is still unsure if he wants to R then perhaps you need to pull back and focus on yourself. As people here are always saying, you can't nice him back. Love yourself and let him worry about himself.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

mesoSTUPID- he did just that! he was like a different person last night, and completely opened up to me. why do they always wait until we feel like we're right at the edge before they pull us back? shouldn't they keep us away from the edge most of the time? or even some of the time?

Morhurt- thanks, i think i will. i realize i have been focusing on him an awful lot, maybe i do need to focus on me a little more and let him figure himself out