In this, I want to be like karma in 3 years.
There are no external indicators of when to stop asking. The indicators are all internal - if you want to ask, ask.
At 15 months I had just started to censor my questions. I started to ask myself why a question popped up. Often I needed something different than an answer. For example, sometimes I was angry, and the Q was aimed at making my W feel bad. Sometimes I was feeling sorry for myself. In those cases, I didn't ask - I told my W I was angry, or I nurtured myself, or I asked my W to hug or hold me, etc.. But sometimes I wanted info, and I asked for it.
My questioning went way down in years 2 & 3 - but now I'm asking more questions again. Go figure.
If your H isn't willing to answer Qs, my guess is that he's dodging responsibility - the answers would force him to face what he did, and he still doesn't want to do that.
In any case, if you're in IC, I urge you to work on doing what you need to do to feel entitled to the answers. If you're in MC, I suggest you use some sessions to get your H to provide answers and support.
[This message edited by sisoon at 11:14 AM, January 3rd (Friday)]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.