This was the topic at MC last night. We are to pray for each other and with each other when we trigger. Does this work?
We also need to come up with something our spouse could do that would help when we trigger. I can think of nothing -maayyybbeee, "put your head on a guillotine" but that wouldn't be helpful
Him holding me or telling me he loves me would just irritate me.
we talked a little of letting go. So many therapists and books talk about acceptance, letting go, and how harmful anger is but they never say HOW to get rid of it. There's no snapping of the fingers here and a decision just to let go.
We also spoke of grace, and then I read something on facebook about if the message in the marriage is you. owe. me. then there is no grace and the marriage is doomed. I'm just not that big of a person to have this grace. MC thinks I am. Although I have made progress, I still hate him and love him at the same time.