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T\j on niece with trichotillomania... Worried about her lying

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Gottagetthrough posted 1/3/2014 08:57 AM

Sorry to burn up OT with my posts recently... But DD and I had a talk last night that got me thinking..

My DD and I were looking through pictures of our trip to see the ILS last night, and one came up of my 13 y.o. niece with trichotillomania. My DD piped up and said, "You know she's a model, right"

I said, "Oh, who told you that"

DD said that another female cousin (who is 8) was hanging around with them asked very innocently why niece did not have any eye brows.

My neice went on to tell the younger girls (my DD and the other cousin) that she was a fashion model and the best models dont have eyebrows. She then told them about the modeling industry, and about her modeling life...

Except, my neice does not model. And there were other lies she told over the week. Her mom or grandmom would often call her out on her lies and say stop lying... Her mom turned to me once and said, "Ugh... she lies all the time..."

Im really starting to worry about my neice. My husband is Bipolar and his sister (neice's mom) has severe anxiety attacks... I'm wondering if this is the start to more severe mental health issues like her mom and uncle have.

SIL takes 2 Klonopin a day for anxiety & recently gained 100 lbs, and then lost about 50 lbs. All that weight gain and loss in less than 2 years.

My SIL also has 2 boys. One is 10. He cried hysterically on Christmas day because he did not like his gifts. SIL's other child, who is 7, poops in his pants to get out of school. He even walked out of school once and just started walking down the street.

What is going on... it seems like there are deep problems... should i be concerned about the impact on my own kids...

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 9:02 AM, January 3rd (Friday)]

betrayedfriend posted 1/3/2014 09:55 AM

The big picture is the kids are doing attention seeking behaviors, the question is why. I think the niece is probably lying as an escape from her problems... Think about this, models are generally accepted as being beautiful, desirable in demand people. People who pull out their hair are thought of ( at least in her world) as stupid, annoying, worthy of being bullied.

The 10 yr old crying over his gifts.... Is he a normally sensitive child? My 7 yr old cries easily and has a hard time with emotional processing especially when there is sensory overload. It could also be a spoiled brat thing though...

The 7 yr old pooping his pants... There's something there. That is not in any way a normal behavior.

I'm not sure if anxiety fits here, so much as reacting from a truly dysfunctional environment. I hope the kids can get some help and would encourage you to spend time being a safe port in the storm so to speak for them. You may have to make the call if you feel that the dysfunction is great enough to get child protective services involved.

solus sto posted 1/4/2014 17:48 PM

Honestly? Take a big breath and relax. There's a HUGE difference between "lying" and story-telling.

Big kids tell little kids stories.

It's what they do. Telling the littler kids she's a model is not pathological. It's ... childish. She's a kid.

You can tell your child, "Oh, honey--you know that's not true! She's telling stories." And if you want, if you hear the story telling, you can good-naturedly set the record straight. But really, it's not necessary.

Your niece is not destined for a life in an institution because she tells tales.

When to worry? When she believes her stories---or tells bona fide lies.

Telling stories to appear more glamorous to the little girls? Not worth an eyelash bat, in my book.

jrc1963 posted 1/4/2014 19:00 PM

SIL's other child, who is 7, poops in his pants to get out of school.

You know for a fact that he poops his pants to get out of school?

He could have a condition known as encopresis, a condition where people can not control their bowels and will have solid accidents.

My son, 12, suffered from this up until earlier this year... He never did it on purpose and was frequently very embarrassed about it.

I also have a 13 year old male student who suffers from encopresis and keeps a change of clothes at school in case it happens there.

Your nephew may not like school or he may have this condition and is embarrassed when it happens so he runs away to avoid teasing. Who knows?

As for your niece saying she's a model... I agree with the PP that this could be a means of escape from her condition and wishful thinking. I don't know if it's terribly harmful.

The 10 year old crying because he didn't get the gifts he wants?? Could be spoiled brat... that would be my guess.

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