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One-night stand from 20 yrs ago confessed

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AppalachianGal posted 1/3/2014 11:07 AM

I've been on this site before, a few years ago, due to an EA between my H and co-worker. On 12/29/13, he confessed a ONS 3 yrs into our marriage, right after our son was born, with a bar whore that he bought a drink for and then took to a hotel and had sex with. He was forced into the confession because his sin has come back to haunt him and I really don't want to go into how, but let's just say its something I get to live with the rest of my life. What a disgusting thing. He seems very remorseful this time. I am truly lost. Its funny. I'm not angry. I am sad and hurt. I can't hate him. He is a broken, shell of a man. He admitted that he always has been. Has never known happiness and is severely depressed and suicidal.

painfulpast posted 1/3/2014 11:34 AM

Hello, and I'm sorry you find yourself here.

I do have a question - you say you don't want to get into it, but I cannot think of anything that just lays dormant for 20 years and suddenly decides to pop up.

Are you sure this was really 20 years ago?

AppalachianGal posted 1/3/2014 11:54 AM

I'm going to my doctor soon, but yes, this can lay dormant for "decades" from everything I can find on it.

Crushed1 posted 1/3/2014 12:03 PM

((((AppalachianGal)))) I'm sorry.

Skan posted 1/3/2014 15:37 PM

Dammit all to hell. I am so bloody sorry.

Aspenstrong posted 1/4/2014 03:17 AM

I am so sorry for you. I hope he's getting professional help for his suicidal thoughts and that you have support too.

AppalachianGal posted 1/4/2014 16:38 PM

I'm having a really bad day today. Up all night with the mind movies and constant thoughts of why, how, etc. The tears come from nowhere. I wouldn't wish this on my enemy. It is truly a form of hell.

Aspenstrong posted 1/5/2014 00:09 AM

I do hope you have support for you. You have a lot you are dealing with. I'm worried with your WH being suicidal that you might not be getting the help or support you need. Sadly and unfairly he's probably not going to be able to give it. Do you have a IC or a really trustworthy person you can turn to? My h's ONS was recent and I think it would be harder to deal with it years later- feeling he'd lied to me all that time. And if he was suicidal and I felt the need to take care of him on top of it?! I can't even imagine, as it is tough enough already.
This really is a kind of hell and I'm sad you are having to go through this.

AppalachianGal posted 1/5/2014 10:04 AM

I don't have an IC currently. I have seen one in the past & we have went to MC in the past, before this recent confession.

I am having severe anxiety at the thoughts of STD testing. I used to work in a clinic. I was tougher than this. I've had blood drawn my entire life and never had a problem until 2010 when I was at work at the clinic and had really fast heart rate and chest pain, had to have a line placed, sent to ER by ambulance, etc. After that, anytime I have blood work, I totally freak out. I almost pass out. Its pathetic. I am obsessing over the STD testing that will need to be done. I'll be poked, prodded and humiliated. I'm afraid I will totally have a nervous breakdown in the office of my GYN. I'm scared.

AppalachianGal posted 1/13/2014 09:01 AM

Waiting to hear back from STD testing, go back to my GYN next week. What I was broke out in turned out NOT to be an STD, thank God. I still "feel" like something is going to turn up on the tests though. I feel I'm being lied to about other women. 2 weeks out and still in hell.

lemony.2008 posted 1/13/2014 09:22 AM


iamsoblind42 posted 1/13/2014 10:43 AM

My WH admitted to 2 ONS 7 years ago Friday after I walked in on him having oral sex with my best friend while her husband watched in my home.

Oh yeah, it can get worse...

I feel your pain over the many years if lies if it really was just the 2 ONS 7 years ago and my best friend in a drunken stupor Friday night.

Mine only admitted to the ONS episodes after the horrid discovery Friday as I knew that could not have been a first time.

I kicked him out yesterday but can't stop checking my email, voicemail and text to see if he has tried to contact me.

I think he is trying to give me space and although I don't want to talk to him I want him begging and pleading.


AppalachianGal posted 1/13/2014 16:06 PM

Mine hasn't asked me to forgive him or anything. Says he has no right to ask such things from me after what he done. I'm not sure if that's the truth or if he just really doesn't give a crap either way. He does say that if he had his wish, I'd choose to reconcile. He is being patient with questions and with my breakdowns. He seems remorseful, but this is a man that is good at lying, obviously.

SSmile posted 1/13/2014 16:20 PM


I am so sorry! You seem to be doing very well under the circumstances. And yes I agree this is pure hell and to be traumatized again just sucks.My WH confessed his multiple ONS and some unprotected in one night!! I spent nearly a year in bed..I don't even know how i got thru it except my kids and god. I fear something will "pop up" in the future for me too and I still have that fear 15 months out. 2 ONS happened around our 1 yr anniversary. Our youngest was a baby. I prob will never understand the why's. THINKING OF YOU and sending you strength.

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