Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: octo8 (61864)

User Topic: I need suggestions for my absolute dealbreakers
♀ 41054
Member # 41054
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am currently working on a list of things that I expect from my WH during reconciliation or open access to email, phone passwords, ipad code, letting me know his whereabouts and that sort of thing. I am so worried I will forget something extremely important. Can you all share some of your dealbreakers or items on your list with me? I really appreciate it!

Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

Posts: 78 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IC and GPS

DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband

Posts: 2246 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's good to write them out if that helps you but IMO, ultimately, they're in flux. I don't mean that you need to give in but more that your needs may change. It's a process and what you need may not stay constant. I think it's fine to talk to him about what you need him to do right now to help you feel safe, but if there are three new things tomorrow, that's fine too. Does that make sense?

For us it's about the communicating needs more than writing down absolutes.

I've also needed to be understanding (and it's not always easy) of his process. For example, when he said he would not behave inappropriatly ever again that held different meanings for each of us. So when he was chatting with a woman about her relationship I felt devastated whereas he didn't see it as a problem (he totally gets it now, boundaries are much firmer).

I'm blabbing, sorry. But what I'm trying to say is that you don't need to worry about "forgetting something extremely important", you can adjust these as it feels right to you.

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40699
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My list consists of complete transparency, IC when we can again afford it, absolutely no female friends, no deleting texts or e-mails, no deleting browser history, I know where he is at all times, I match the hours recorded to when he is at work, no more accusing me of infidelity unless he has an actual valid reason, and no more lies.

Me BS 33 Him WS 37
Together 6 years, married almost 4 years
D-day: 07/23/13 EA with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out about a past kiss
D-day: 05/30/16 Saw first text message from new COW
D-day: 09-08-16 Dr. Fone confirmed EA

Posts: 1243 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.