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I had an interesting convo

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finallymefirst posted 1/3/2014 19:44 PM

....with a male friend of mine who has been divorced for 2 years. He said at this point he would tolerate anything, except physical abuse. I told him that I am the exact opposite, I want the best treatment. I want a reciprocal relationship. A nice, warm, caring fun respectful relationship. Not perfect, but healthy.

I told him that maybe he is willing to accept mediocrity because he hasn't had to deal with being cheated on. But I gave him the SI treatment and suggested doing some version of the 180 and learning to like being with himself. I also suggested IC or church lol.

Anyway, the real point of this post is to say that I ran into an old friend who said she ran into exh with ow and they looked happy , I quickly changed the subject. After she left, I teared up, but then I had an epiphany .... She can have him, I want better.

Bluebird26 posted 1/3/2014 21:13 PM

Good for you. You do deserve better.

movingforward13 posted 1/4/2014 07:55 AM


better4me posted 1/4/2014 10:06 AM

She can have him, I want better
. Amen!

thyme2go posted 1/4/2014 13:08 PM

they "looked" happy....

thebighurt posted 1/4/2014 23:39 PM

Ha! People said that about xpos and me too. Little did they know what was going on. You put on your best face when in public. Or maybe her "farts haven't started to stink yet".

I have a very dear friend who is a clinical psychologist. I asked here why xpos would have changed so much in a few days to have gone from saying he was sorry for all the hurt and wanted to help any way he could, to calling me names, saying I was a worse liar than he, and other horrible things when I hadn't seen or heard from him in between. (Not that I believed he actually meant the nice things or wanted anything from him.)

She said they likely had a fight and he lashed out at me. Her words were that it was likely that the slut's "farts had started to stink"! I loved that description!

Yes, she can have him!!

9.10.11 posted 1/5/2014 08:10 AM

A friend told you they looked happy? What kind of pos friend does that to a person?

You do deserve better, and that is what you'll get.

To your friend who will tolerate anything... the pain of physical abuse will go away, but mental abuse lasts much longer. He's just not "healed" yet. He will figure it out.

finallymefirst posted 1/5/2014 11:35 AM

Thanks guys... I was fine for about a day or so, but now I'm feeling a little down. I was abled to go for days without thinking about him or them. Maybe its the dreary weather lol. Yeah 9.10.11, I really didn't need to hear about their happiness, but time has helped because I'm abled to recover more quickly now. I just hate that its still a sore spot.

stronggirl72 posted 1/6/2014 06:25 AM

AWESOME attitude!

The thing is, I try to be positive and healthy like that, but we're all human and will undoubtedly have some less than awesome moments during this upheaval.

You're doing this.

[This message edited by stronggirl72 at 6:30 AM, January 6th (Monday)]

Ashland13 posted 2/2/2014 07:21 AM

9.10.11 is right. It's not easy, but is possible to tell people that you don't want to hear it. I've had to get a stronger back bone and do that at times. It helps.

OW here is still a trigger because of all that she's still trying to steal from me. Not because of Perv.

It sounds to me also, like your friend maybe has low self esteem. I hope he can work on it, if he does, so he won't let himself be open to being hurt again and settling. If he could get stronger with himself and his own identity, maybe he would be stronger being on his own and then see the differences like you were describing to him.

ImEnoughForMe posted 2/2/2014 13:06 PM

If your ex is like mine, remember they put on a really good show.

And it's not a good one. We've seen behind the scenes remember?

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