Me: 31 BS
Hi, BS here, I don't think you need to be "in love" all the time, especially under these circumstances. I love my husband all the time in that I care for him, I want to be married to him, and sometimes I do have that "in love" feeling, though right now that is more often covered up by a lot of pain from his affair, it is hard to feel "in love" with someone who has hurt you so badly. I honestly believe this to be normal though even without an affair to consider. When I was younger it used to terrify me that I didn't always feel "in love" with my husband, and I wondered sometimes if it meant I shouldn't be with him, but I know now that it is ok to feel this way. It is the difference between mature love and those first stages of "love" when the chemicals are raging. Let me ask you this, was this need to feel "in love" with your husband one of the reasons you may have had an affair? And did you feel that "in love" feeling for you AP? As SlowUptake says
The yearning for it leads to the 'Dark Side'.
You have to be careful not to confuse the two types of love and remember that mature love is not always constant but it is by far the more sustainable of the two. I sometimes think about it in this way: I love my children, I would not give them up for the world, but sometimes the three year old drives me so crazy that I really wish grandma would take him off my hands for at least a week; I love my son certainly, but I am not always "in love" with him. Does that make sense? Any way, I hope this helps. Good luck.
[This message edited by inshockandhurt at 2:39 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]
Dday 3+ years ago
Forgiveness means understanding, acceptance and giving up on looking back.