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AP Age and Circumstances (Is It Considered Prostitution?

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lovedmesomehim posted 1/4/2014 16:31 PM

I am posting this as my own mental follow-up to the thread about the age of the AP.

During the affair he was in his mid 50's approaching retirement and she was in her late 20's. We have a son that was almost her age.

She received money for her cell phone bill, jewelry and who knows what else. Upon discovery, He at first said she admired him and thought he was sexy.

Then, it changed and he said, "it was just sex....I knew she didn't love me...I didn't love her either."

When I spoke with the little snippet immediately after D Day, she dared me to a physical fight, dared me to contact her BS and did her best to keep the contact going with my FWH.

Why would a physically attractive, young woman with four kids, fight so hard for a retired guy? All written communication between them was purely filthy and sexually laced trash talk with a few "I love yous" thrown in at the end of the texts.

Is this just another form of prostitution they engaged in? A pay-to-play deal?

I did ask him this just a minute ago and he's sitting behind me right now...stunned, mute and looking older by the minute.

[This message edited by lovedmesomehim at 4:34 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

steadfast1973 posted 1/4/2014 16:34 PM

Nah, not prostitution, persay... But it is probably more about the gifts for her, than the sex. Gold digger, for sure.

headdesk posted 1/4/2014 17:42 PM

I think it is one of two things. Either she is the traditionally thought of gold digger, in which she is calculating her way through a relationship with the specific goal of getting money or she has a fucked up relationship with the gift giving part of the 5 love languages and equates gifts with love to an unhealthy degree.

Gemini71 posted 1/4/2014 19:30 PM

Per (

noun \ˈkȯr-tə-zən, -ˌzan also ˈkər-, -ˌzšn; especially British ˌkȯr-tə-ˈzan
: a woman who has sex with rich or important men in exchange for money : a prostitute who has sex with wealthy and powerful men

gold digger

: a woman who becomes or tries to become romantically involved with a rich man in order to get money and gifts from him

Sounds like the same thing to me.

Brandon808 posted 1/4/2014 19:36 PM

Sounds like the OW wanted to keep her BH in the dark so she could have her "regular life" while having (in her perception) was the excitement of having another man validate her with gifts and attention. It's still an exchange to be sure.

RealityStinks posted 1/4/2014 19:43 PM

I think it's daddy issues. My WW started her crap with the OM when she was 29, he was 52.

Call it what you will. It's wrong. He was 23 when she was born! He turned 30 just after her 7th birthday!

IMO, your WH was paying the OW for sex. He said it was "just sex", but you know he was giving her money for her cell phone. I'm sure street corner hookers use the money they make to pay their cell phone bills too.

DazedWI posted 1/4/2014 19:57 PM

I am in the same boat as Realitystinks, my WW has some serious daddy/approval issues that drove her having an affair with someone that was 52 as well. Not attractive and left a perfect life for that, just wrong.

lovedmesomehim posted 1/7/2014 12:16 PM

Thanks to all. You SI Folks are just the absolute best!

I did talk with him and he shared this:

"My IC did tell me it was just another form of prostitution." "I made it acceptable in my own mind back then and compartmentalized it, because it made me feel like a dog."

I asked him why he hadn't shared that with me and the response: "When he told me I was paying for sex, it almost wiped me out." "I knew that young girl was with me for the stuff I gave her, and I kept trying to push it out of my mind and make it seem like it was something else." "Yes, you are right;it was prostitution and I am ashamed and sorry for doing that...for being that."

It was quiet in our house yesterday following that discussion. I don't feel better about the revelation at all. I also know he would never have told me any of this on his own.

Our current hurdles surround open and honest communication. He communicates much, much better, but is hampered by shame and whatever else goes swirling around in his head.

A cheap, psuedo prostitute with daddy issues. You guys all nailed it.

BeyondBreaking posted 1/7/2014 15:13 PM

A prostitute is basically, in very general terms, someone who has sex with someone in exchange for some kind of financial benefit (being cash, gifts, whatever).

Essentially- if she was having sex with him to get gifts and whatnot, YES, it is another form of prostitution. If she hadn't gotten anything from him financially, would she have continued to have sex with him? Probably not, and my guess is she would not have fought so hard either.

lovedmesomehim posted 1/7/2014 16:04 PM



Okay, you see,I think that is what keeps me tied to this line of questioning.


Today, since I am in my trigger season, I just can't seem to wrap my head around this. I do know that many of us here had husbands who sought out the real, professional, prostitutes and ONS. The kind who made their living from this type of sexual engagement.

I am not attempting to put myself in your shoes and I apologize if I am making any BS feel badly, or that I am obsessing beyond reason. I can't imagine your mind movies and triggers, if they are worse than what I am experiencing.

Of course she would not want him if it were not for the gifts...I GET that part. I continue to ask myself over and over and over, "How the hell do you get all ticked off at the wife, when she interrupts your set-up?"

What is this world coming to when the OW contacts the BS and attempts to engage in a fistfight scene from a cowboy movie?

She boldly declared she could get any man she why my OLD guy? It's not like we are talking about Sean Connery.

These mind numbing explanations just have me in a very bad way.

Dreamland posted 1/7/2014 16:40 PM

Aren't all single OW prostitutes. Why else would they sell themselves for a man that can't be with them in public but have to hide in shadows. Yep prostitutas:)

struggling16 posted 1/7/2014 19:49 PM

The AP was completely calculating. In our case the AP was 25 and my WH was 70. (She was born four years after we married).

I consider the AP a prostitute and my WH a john. The AP knew exactly what she was doing and they hooked up as soon as they met at her house. I think he gave the AP some money but he denies it. The AP actually dragged him around a mall and when he didn't buy things she hinted at, said "Well that was a waste of time". He wasn't disturbed by this. She also showed him pictures of a purse she coveted that someone else supposedly was going to buy her. That ploy didn't work either. She wanted him to buy tires for her car-he gave her a can of tire inflator instead!!! Eventually she realized he was a cheapskate and wasn't going to pay for expensive hotels, trips, or the Christmas gift she wanted to give to her father. She was in the process of dumping him (because he let her down at Christmas-no gift) when I caught him with the cell phone.

She did talk with him about how unfair it was that he wouldn't get my pension when the D happened. She was delusional. They met at an A dating site so everything was very cold-blooded and calculated on both their parts. Right after Dday, he called the AP a "loser-user". That sums it up for both of them.

gonnabe2016 posted 1/7/2014 19:51 PM

Nah. She's just an entitled-feeling bitch.

stunned, mute and looking older by the minute

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