About six months after that D-day he was somewhere in OK panhandle. I caught a flight to Amarillo and got a rental car and drove up to surprise him.
And got the absolute strangest look from the desk clerk when I got to the hotel....Showed her my ID so I could get a key to the room. Really didn't think much of it at the time to be honest...
As I've had a bit to drink tonight while I am journaling (part of my IC) I finally, thanks to amaretto allowing my brain to kinda drift where it will, went - OMG. I think he had someone else with him up there at some point before I arrived, and just happened to get lucky and her leave in the nick of time. AFTER he broke my heart six months before. AFTER he came home and cried and swore it would never happen again blah blah WOH WOH WOH...
That no-good bald-faced lying motherfucker. I haven't regretted filing and moving out and with little jewels of knowledge like this knitting themselves together when I'm not prepared for them, I NEVER WILL REGRET IT.
Engaged 11/5/15 to the man I'd thought I would never find.
Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.
You know what I'd really like to do? I'd like to take an epic road trip and fill in the gaps. I'd like to do a forensic vacation. Go back to places & question witnesses. Get financial records. Just for the peace of mind. Of course this would require me to win the lottery or rob a bank to fund it. But still, little details like that shouldn't get in the way...
I couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself. within two minutes he'd be standing in the doorway. If I decided to take a bath, within five minutes of my getting in the tub he'd come strolling in talking about 'I think i'll take a shower'. He'd randomly show up at the nail salon in the neighborhood when i'd go there. All the techs were like 'aww, how sweet'. I see now that it was control freak behavior.
Almost like he was afraid if I got too far away from him i'd become aware and bolt.
makes my flesh crawl. This divorce cannot possibly be over soon enough.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is - I didn't see it. I just flat fucking DID NOT SEE IT. I am not a dumb woman, by any stretch. How did he manage to wrap me in such a strange and unhealthy cocoon? And why couldn't I see it??
But I suppose my IC will tell me when I see her next week that at least I see it now and can avoid it going forward. Maybe that's the lesson here.
1. She constantly accused me of being attracted to other women. Why would someone who was so worried about me straying actually cheat on me?
2. I loved and trusted her.
3. I would never EVER cheat.
In summary, I am a good person.
And so are you.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
I really like this description.....
strange and unhealthy cocoon
I will NEVER put up with that shit again.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
You are not a dumb woman (and neither was I, or any of us). You loved him and trusted him and YOU were trying to keep your marriage vows and to be a partner in your relationship. I am still struggling with a kind of learned helplessness that keeps me here. I second guess things, I doubt....it's completely out of character. I just know that his behavior poisoned our relationship so long that, not only is he a different person than the man I agreed to marry, he changed me into a different person, too. I made excuses, overlooked details, and compensated when he was inadequate. WTF. These revelations bring the old relationship into a new light, a true light. I hope I keep having them, as much as they hurt, because they reaffirm my decision. Stay strong. Thanks for posting this; it really hit home tonight
The most important thing I have learned on this site is that this is more true than not of the 40,000 members, more or less, who are members of this group. A group none of us ever imagined we would be a part of.
A blessed group that I owe my sanity and future to.
BS(me) 59...STBXSAWH 59
Married 40 yrs/4 grown children, 5 grandchildren
DD's-1st on 10/75, now too many too count.
but that's no longer my problem. Thank you Lord!