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I may be the mean one

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risingfromashes posted 1/4/2014 20:14 PM

I feel no guilt for my actions this morning and some part of me thinks I should but I will not.

I have made it clear over and over to exass that he is never to step foot in my new home. It drives him crazy. He still has managed to peep in the windows (he accused me of having a rug he wanted?) and dropped off kid's clothes, not on the porch but though a gated yard onto a deck with french doors in the back of the house. How did he know this was in my back yard anyway? But he told me he didn't look into the house. Right?

This morning at 5 AM he picked up DD to drive her to the airport to return to college. I am in my pj's in the kitchen when he knocks and waves an envelope in front of the window. I know it is the child support check.
I open the door only wide enough to stick my hand out, grab the envelope and shut the door. It is below 0 outside.
I will not ever allow him to step foot in this house no matter that he is driving our daughter to the airport at an ungodly hour in bone chilling temps.
I can see him telling his friends that I shut the door in his face and left him to stand in the cold. I can hear them commiserating with him about what an angry unforgiving bitch I am.

But I don't give a damn!
All I envision for those familiar with The Lord of the Rings movie is the scene when Gandalf confronts the demon from hell and announces "You Shall Not Pass"!

cayc posted 1/4/2014 20:16 PM

I fail to see what's wrong with this scenario

Nature_Girl posted 1/4/2014 20:21 PM

Yeah, I don't see what's wrong with that scenario, either. He knows he's not to come in. Girl, get yourself a No Trespassing sign & post it!

risingfromashes posted 1/4/2014 20:32 PM

Same reason I stayed with the SA/NPD jerk for so long. I was raised to be forgiving, kind, and a nice person! I see this action on my part as totally getting over that dogma as far as the ex is concerned. In the past I would have let him stand in the hallway.

Just realized that I should have posted this in NB! Ding, ding light bulb over my head!

IrishLass518 posted 1/4/2014 20:32 PM

I know that when I buy my home for IrishLad and myself, xWH will not be welcome inside. I know him and if he sees how well I have done on my own, how nicely the house is furnished and decorated, he'll want it, he'll want to live there, he'll believe that he deserves to have what I worked so hard for. No way in Hell. This new home is going to be IrishLad and my fortress of solitude, no soul suckers allowed!

gypsybird87 posted 1/4/2014 20:36 PM

Good for you for setting a firm boundary and sticking to it!! That makes you strong, empowered, and in charge of your surroundings, not "mean."

If he has a problem with it, too bad!!

persevere posted 1/4/2014 20:56 PM

I see nothing wrong with this and, frankly, am impressed. Stick to your boundaries rfm - FTG.

Infinite Sadness posted 1/4/2014 21:47 PM

Good for you!

jemimapd posted 1/4/2014 21:49 PM

Good for you! He waved that check at you in order to get you to open the door and let him in. It didn't work.

My ex keeps giving me cash even though the legal docs say the CS must be paid by bank direct deposit. It's a control thing.

littlefoggy posted 1/4/2014 21:50 PM

Good for you!

I hope he dressed warm.

gonnabe2016 posted 1/4/2014 21:57 PM

t/j @ jem:

My ex keeps giving me cash even though the legal docs say the CS must be paid by bank direct deposit. It's a control thing.

Does the guy not realize how badly you could screw him over and cause a bunch of brain damage for him over this????
end t/j

I can see him telling his friends that I shut the door in his face and left him to stand in the cold. I can hear them commiserating with him about what an angry unforgiving bitch I am.

But I don't give a damn!


Good.For.You.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:58 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

Pass posted 1/4/2014 22:03 PM

Good job, Rising. Even if you were one, he has earned an unforgiving bitch as an ex.

peridot posted 1/4/2014 22:25 PM

I don't see you as being mean. He needs to learn to respect your space and stay out of it. He's lucky you don't make him wait in the road.

risingfromashes posted 1/4/2014 22:32 PM

A little misty-eyed here. I applaud all of us on this journey. There is always a bottom line. I have declared mine.
He will not step foot in my home. Ever.
But damn he keeps trying. Good Luck!

StillLivin posted 1/4/2014 22:50 PM

Do You Mean That Some D or LS BSs Actually Let Their Xs In???

[This message edited by StillLivin at 10:50 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

littlefoggy posted 1/4/2014 23:01 PM

Pardon my t/j

Do they all try to just waltz through the door?

Him: This is my house!

Me: Uh, dude, this was your house... until you moved in with your girlfriend...

risingfromashes posted 1/4/2014 23:23 PM

Yes, I believe they all feel entitled to waltz thru the door. Even if I purchased this house after the divorce he thinks that he got screwed in the judgement therefore he has some "claim" to my home.

gonnabe2016 posted 1/4/2014 23:36 PM

he has some "claim" to my home.

And perhaps in some twisted way, he also feels a certain *claim* on you.....

careerlady posted 1/5/2014 01:35 AM


All I envision for those familiar with The Lord of the Rings movie is the scene when Gandalf confronts the demon from hell and announces "You Shall Not Pass"!

I know this scene well and it's AWESOME!

Wish I could do this

BrighterFuture posted 1/5/2014 01:47 AM

I do the same thing. I don't allow Wayward ex in my apartment when he comes to pick up DS. I feel mean sometimes but firm boundaries have to be established on my part for my own healing. He actually calls me mean, but I remind him that he's the mean one. What he's put me through surpasses any meanness he gets from my end.

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