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Triggered at a friend's wedding 2 months on...

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Hurthalo posted 1/4/2014 23:57 PM

So my WW and I attended a friend's wedding (she was a bridesmaid) and as I watched the couple exchange vows, I felt my anger and sadness building. I literally couldn't watch them say their vows to each other, and I turned my head down to look at the ground while I toyed with my own wedding band. I literally wanted to slip it off and throw it away. I looked up to my wife who was standing to the side clitching her bouquet, and I could see the shame in her eyes.

It's our 2nd wedding anniversary in a few days and I just don't even want to observe it.

Anyone else find weddings hard now? I literally wasn't expecting to feel so sad.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 11:59 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

lollipopmom posted 1/5/2014 00:03 AM

I would have a very hard time sitting through a wedding now. We were married 14 years and I never imagined I would have a need for a message board like this... So tough. Not to mention going through it at the holidays compounds the pain...

mike7 posted 1/5/2014 00:59 AM

then chuck the ring. As long as you aren't actually trying to hurt your WW, you should do what you feel. If you don't feel like the ring signifies anything anymore, chuck it. If she feels bad about it, so what? She had her fun.

You don't have to stay married. You don't have to still love her if you don't actually feel it. Got it? She fucked up. You will never feel the same about her again. that's ok. She showed you who she is. Believe her.

Staying together for your child is not a good thing. You should only stay together if it's good for YOU. You will be a better parent, father, person, if you are happy.

You can always let her buy you another ring if you start to love her again.

jb3199 posted 1/5/2014 06:25 AM

Oh yeah---I remember how shitty weddings used to be.

I attended one 3 weeks after D-day. It was awful. Really makes you look at what you have lost.

As for the ring, I agree with mike7. Either toss it, or take it off, if it bothers you. I took mine off after D-Day #2...and off it stayed for years. I never thought I would it again.

Even though my tagline says "Heading for D", we are well along in reconciliation. I keep that line, because I now know that I can leave this marriage...and will be OK in the future. I have regained(more like reclaimed) my self-esteem, and will never be put back in that dark hole that you may seem to be in at the moment.

You will get past this shit. It just takes time to process everything that has happened, and to pick yourself up off of the floor. But you will get there, and be as strong(or stronger) than you were prior to discovering infidelity in your marriage.

Justgreatnews posted 1/5/2014 07:51 AM

How about this? On several occasions since DDay (5-6 weeks ago) I've had an urge to burn our wedding album. Anyone else?

Every time I think of those photos, how happy she looked, etc, I can't stand it. Will never look at them again.

Glad there is no video.

slide095 posted 1/5/2014 08:12 AM

Just heartbreaking, I'm so sorry.
I was invited to four weddings over the summer and didn't attend any. I used to love weddings. I hope they aren't ruined forever.

Skan posted 1/5/2014 12:05 PM

It was really unfair, that you had to attend this wedding so soon after DDay. I would probably have been a sobbing mess had that happened to me. In my case, I had to go to FWHs family to help settle his mother's estate 2 months after DDay and I was a complete basket case for 4 fricking days.

If the ring means nothing to you, take it off. I haven't worn a wedding ring since and I won't until he buys me a new one. I actually gave the family wedding ring back to the family for the oldest boy after having it blessed. OTOH, he hasn't taken his off since then.

These types of things are going to be very, very hard for some time. It's a direct gut-punch, reminding you of what was and is not now. If at all possible, for something like this that you know is coming up, having a plan of action is a good thing. If you're able to coordinate this with your WW great, otherwise put in place your own plan of action. What will I do if I'm overwhelmed. Where will I go if I need to leave to pull myself together. That sort of thing.

Hurthalo posted 1/5/2014 17:03 PM

Thanks guys. It was a fun day, and I was very happy for our friends, but seeing my wife up the front clutching flowers while they both vowed to take each other as 'faithful partners' and promising to stick with each ither through thick and thin was galling.

My wife said it was another huge wake up call for her in light of D-Day, and that it was a kick in the butt of all the things she had blown off noting the affair. She said she felt very sad... I suppose I should be happy she's still remorseful.

flipper66 posted 1/5/2014 18:34 PM

dear hurthalo : you don't make meantion as to how or when you found out about her affair unless that's in another thread post here. listen to what many of these veterns here tell you.. and especially some of the women they at times have insight to why women do things that we men don't understand.. about 75$% of the men really don't understand women that much leaving the 30% that wind up being the badboys,jerks.players and d-bags that know how to play on womens emotions .

OK now posted 1/5/2014 18:38 PM

If you don't want to observe the mockery of a wedding anniversary then don't.
If you don't want to wear your wedding band then don't.

Your wife has to experience loss and consequences as the result of this affair or she'll probably repeat this behavior. After all you been married less than one year and she cheats? What excuse is there for that when you have a baby to take care of; which should be taking all her care and attention. She found time to paw and fondle the OM's genitals, then come home and hold her precious baby? A real piece of work.

Its going to be difficult to regain the trust you once had.

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