Hello everyone,
Thank you in advance for any advice or guidance you all may send my way. I dont know where to start. Im terrified. I lost my best friend. I had this long long post ready in my head, but so much had happened, that I dont know where to start. D-day? The horrible treatment during the affair? Im so lost.
I'll start with an overview. Me and my wife have been together like two peas in a pod for 14 year. She has been my rock. My best friend. We been married for 7 years. We have a 11 year old son. Hes such a great kid. So sweet. Never talks back and so caring.
9 months ago I learned that she was having a very heated emotional and very sexual affair. For that year I had a feeling, but she turned it around on me. She treated me so horrible. She was so obvious when she would see him. I stuck around in denial like a doormat.
They had lots of unprotected sex. Sex in the back of his car, the beach, everywhere. She told him she loved him. She cooked for him yet never cooked at home.
After D-day I was a mess. I did not know who I was. I cant explain the emptyness. I truly fell appart. I mistakenly begged, cried, and did all those things I shouldnt have done. I almost lost my job and lost a big promotion. she said she told me she ended it with him and wanted to fix us. I found out 5 months later she was still seeing him.
She was so mean and horrible to me when I was weak. I would cry and she would tell me to suck it up.
This was not like her. Also, this was not like me. Im in law enforcement and never behaved like this. However, I never thought she would be the one who hurt me. After a bad night at work, she was my sanctuary.
D-day was 9 months ago. Im posting this in "jusy found out" because im as lost as i was then. I was living with her and my son in our beautiful house we built, and now here i sit on a cheap uncomfortable futon in a small room within my mothers house. My poor son never saw us argue over this, but he knows we are separated.
I gave her the house. I truly was good to her. I did it all. I cooked, cleaned, fixed everything, homework, yardwork, i spoiled her, i put her through nursing school, i never put my job before my family so no long hours. I dont drink or smoke. No drugs. Not ugly. I could lose a few pounds.
I researched MLC, but I just dont buy it. She was so horrible. There just cant be and excuse.
Im so confused because I miss my wife I thought I had.
I been to 4 different therapist. They all have different theories and solutions. I just cant buy into the whole phase thing.
After I moved out 2 months ago, I initiated the 180 plan. It really seemed to work. Its hard for me because Im used to caring for her. I hate to neglect her.
Now she claims to want me back. I fear she only wants the cumfort and convenience. She once told me that she felt safe and secure with me, but haf passion and "amazing chemestry" with him.
There are more details, but I wanted to get this thread going, because im truly falling appart. I would never with these feelings of total utter betrayal to my worst enemy.
As far ad the OP, per him, she fooled him too, and told me every detail while he cried. More on him later. No drama. No threats. In the end we all suffered. No winners here.
I feel like i want her back. I miss her and love her. I feel like I should never take here back for how horrible she was to me and bad she lied. I am angry and worn out from being sad.
My self esteem and self worth is completely shattered. The triggers are still as bad as the first day. I cycle from being strong moving forward to weak and crying. Some days im angry bug that wears off fast and all thats left is sadness.
I talked to a divorce lawyer and looked at a few apartments. I feel like everything we worked for is over.
I lost it all. I hope he was worth it.