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Ex moving out of state

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BrighterFuture posted 1/5/2014 02:40 AM

My ex texted me to tell me that he's moving to New Jersey. We currently live in Ohio. He says he wants to pursue other opportunities and school, and that he hopes he'll get a job soon.

I'm sad because, he's not discussing how he'll see the kids, and how he will provide the financial support. He used to come probably once in a month to see the infant baby girl and would pick up DS(2yrs), but now that he's moving 8 hrs away he may not see them for months if any at all. Another thing is that DS has been talking about his dad this past 2 days "daddy coming", and now won't see him anytime soon. He didn't even mention if he'll see him to say goodbye.

Whenever he would pick DS up once in a while, I would use such days to finish up on homework, or accomplish a task that's hard to do with a toddler around, but now I won't have even that anymore.

It's all about him and what he wants.

[This message edited by BrighterFuture at 2:44 AM, January 5th (Sunday)]

yousaid4ever posted 1/5/2014 03:05 AM


Many hugs. So much pain and sorrow to deal with. He is a true POS and someday you will realize what a blessing it was that he left. The ugly 't' word, TIME, will help to heal you and this hand you have been dealt.

I feel for you and your children. It will be tough. You can do hard things, though, and will make it through this.

Keep posting and listening to others who have made it through this. They are very wise and tell the truth.

BrighterFuture posted 1/5/2014 03:09 AM

Thanks Yousaid4ever. He now texts me and says he would like to have him for the summer.

ruby44 posted 1/5/2014 07:18 AM

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know it is not easy. Mine keeps telling my DDs that he is moving to California and wants them to come live with him. The thing is, he does not want that, and I do not think your WH wants that either. But walking away from a wife is one thing doing it to your children is another sin altogether.
As for taking your son for the summer, why?
1. You would still get no respite as you will have your baby still.
2. How is he prepared to have your son for the summer? Daycare, babysitters, etc. Which you will have to set up in Ohio and then cancel for the summer months and throw your son into a whole new world just long enough to get comfortable. I say NO. It is not about what he wants it is ONLY what is in the best interest of your son. Period!
I would say you need a custody plan that goes beyond a summer in NJ. Really your son is 2 if he does not see his dad for 6 months will he even remember who he is? Then to let him go live with him for a few months. I just say WOW!
Not to T/J
But I remember when my BIL & SIL divorced 7 years ago and I was talking to my MIL about the kids. The parents wanted the 50/50 split for the kids in middle school and HS. I expressed my concern about the kids not having a "home" it was either moms house or dads house and never my house. I know some say that they have 2 homes but I have never heard a kid refer to it that way. My MIL was indignant that I did not agree because it was not "fair" to the BIL that he did not get to spend as much time with the kids as the ex wife. I told her it is not about the parents it is about the kids. Interestingly, the 50/50 split lasted for about a month until the kids got fed up with the constant changing and decided where they wanted their primary residence to be.
Right now you have a gift, your children are young enough to adapt to the "new normal"
Sorry this is now "our new normal" but I am determined that the new normal for my kids is that I will always be there for them. Eff that guy.

tesla posted 1/5/2014 08:31 AM

First, I get your feelings. It sucks when they walk away from the innocents to pursue the pot of gold at the end of the affairyland rainbow. In their minds there is always a golden opportunity somewhere other than right in front of them.

But someone who is willing to move 8 hours away from his children is not thinking about his children. He's not thinking about their needs nor is he considering their desire for a relationship with him.

I don't know where you are at in the D process. But I would get a custody plan in place based on him living in your town. Then, if he moves away, he will have to have it ammended. Do not do anything to 'help' him with visitation. If he's interested, he needs to step up and do it.


finallymefirst posted 1/5/2014 11:16 AM

(((((BrighterFuture)))).... so sorry, this is horrible. I just will never understand abandoning babies. Its supposed to be such a special time. I have a DD15 and I really miss those early years. They were so special. It will truly be his loss. I hope you have a good support system. Many hugs.

BrighterFuture posted 1/5/2014 14:40 PM

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately I have no family around but friends with families who help once in a while. Now, he's saying that I should give my toddler to him. That he would stay with him. What a dickhead!

persevere posted 1/5/2014 14:50 PM

If you don't already have it, get custody papers in place before you let him take DS any time. He could take him and not bring him back and it could be a huge mess to get him back.

BrighterFuture posted 1/5/2014 15:41 PM

Thank you! I will be working on that. Although I have to say, from his message it appears he's moving in the nexr few days. Apparently, karma caught up with him and he could no longer work at the place he used to. He also claims that he couldn't get another job due to his history. He was cheating on me with women at his workplace which I had given him a recommendation while he was still searching. Do not $hit where you feed!

[This message edited by BrighterFuture at 3:49 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

BrighterFuture posted 1/5/2014 15:54 PM

I will be ok. God will see me through!

Good riddance to bad rubbish!

lifestoshort posted 1/5/2014 20:58 PM

Dont say anything to him. let him leave. then when visitation and stuff comes up, he abandoned kids...

be thankful he is leaving. You get to do and be the main parent. its VERY rewarding. I did it!

ninebark posted 1/6/2014 08:18 AM

Time to see a lawyer and get the custody issues worked out. A summer away from mom is a long time for a 2 year old, and the thought of giving up your toddler to him is a joke.

Last minute plans to move away and expect you to accomodate is crap. Sorry buddy.

TrustGone posted 1/6/2014 08:27 AM

If he is your ex, what visitation agreement does he have now? If he is already not seeing the children but once in a while and not going by the original agreement, then moves away, I would go for sole custody. This constitutes abandonment on his part. Do not let him dictate when and where he sees your children. FTG!!!!

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