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Vengeance ... or stupid mistake?

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BAB61 posted 1/5/2014 12:06 PM

MissMoneyPenny's post about hating the OW 4years out hit me hard. Today I've been toying with messaging the bf of one of STBX's OW, to let him know she told my STBX that even tho she was dating him, she was open to meeting STBX for a rendezvous. I have pictures of that fb message. I am so torn, it would be such a sweet feeling ... but the fall-out may be more than I want to deal with.


TrustedHer posted 1/5/2014 12:43 PM


You've decided to divorce.

Why would you invite OW back into your life?

I feel bad for her new BF, but I don't see the fierce moral argument for warning him at this point.

Especially if your motivation is vengeance, not out of consideration of his feelings.

GotPlayed posted 1/5/2014 14:38 PM

Remember - Emotional detachment.

That also means the emotion of anger. Just work on your own, heal. Exercise or do something physical to get rid of the feeling.

Stay above the fray. As @TrustedHer said, you don't want to invite drama into your new life.

The best revenge is living well.

BAB61 posted 1/5/2014 14:53 PM

Thanks TrustedHer & GotPlayed - that's what I needed to hear. I really KNEW that, which is why I posted here instead of pm'ing the bf. Living Well, I'm trying, today it's just hitting me hard, feeling down. I did some exercise, guess I need to do more!

SBB posted 1/5/2014 15:09 PM

Ride through the wave. It will pass and the urge will go away.

The best revenge is living well - indifference will get you there.

I had an draft email ready and waiting to go outing OWIndianSheMan (DD OW) to every religious and cultural group in her hometown. I remember researching it, finding all of the email addresses, typing them out and then crafting a fantastically damaging email.

None of that felt anywhere near as good as deleting that draft a few months later.

It is difficult but we have to evict the OW/OM and X out of our hearts and minds completely.

I still have anger towards all of them but its more in an 'you are an affront to the sisterhood' way. Not in that primal injured animal way.

I've been 'lucky' in that the OW have all been invisible to me. None of them were my friends. It sure would be harder to be indifferent if they were in my face all the time, but I'd still be working hard to evict them.

The biggest impact on my level of indifference isn't their actions, it is mine.

I cringe whenever I read posts of venom towards the AP. I do laugh at the funny ones but others make me sad. I wouldn't want to make them or X anywhere near that important.

'Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.'

^^This has bounced around my head from the moment I first heard it.

Helen of Troy posted 1/5/2014 15:20 PM

Revenge fantasies are more fun and always safer than the real thing. No drama, no legal issues, etc.
We need another revenge fantasy thread in here! I'll contribute.

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